Aiiiiieee. Dinner With the Ex

Ok, I must have been so over him, I've even forgotten that today would have been our wedding anniversary. We had decided to have a Christmas dinner out, instead of exchanging gifts. He said he wanted to buy me books or anything I wanted, but that kind of sweet gesture should have been given out while we were married, instead of socks and booze.

We went to East Tokyo for Hibachi. He's never been, so I thought it would be a great idea. Surely, something had to happen. Luckily, it was minor, over ice-cubes in his water, to which I told him to suck it up, remove them from the glass, and enjoy the evening.

Christmas, YAY!

I really love the whole holiday season, really. I just wished people didn't get so crazy around this time. I'm glad there weren't any loonies out there today, so I made my little trip to Nat's.

I've made so many Cheddar Bay biscuits these past few weeks, I decided to bring Hot Buttered Rum instead. I'm sure my fellow peeps were thankful (I was, eheheh). Didn't turn out as good as the first time I made it. The difference in brands, perhaps?

Anyhoo, had a wonderful time. I can't say much more about it, because it's always perfect to me. I just love being there, and I miss it sometimes.

Ooooooooooo the sappy tears...

Christmas Eve!

Was supposed to go to Natalie's aunt's house on Christmas Eve. Remembered that it's very hard to park on her street/block/section, and since I had worked that day, got a case of the lazy bug and stayed home instead.

I am very sorry to miss it, because I know I always have fun when I'm there, but again, my ass did not want to move much that day. Ordered Chinese instead, and had a great evening regardless.

Ahhh Bad Kitties!

It wasn't my imagination...Sunday night, I could have sworn I heard some commotion involving kitties and the christmas tree...Last night, same thing. Ting...ting...sounded like ornaments being swatted. I was half asleep, so I didn't bother to check.

This morning, I visit the bathroom, and see one of their toy balls in the sink. Ok, so they had fun while I was sleeping, that's always good. I do remember hearing them chasing each other while I was in and out of consciousness...

And then, I spot a bright pink and brown object in the bathtub. What da?! Why these little suckers! Apparently, one wrestled the tree for an ornament (a little sprig), and brought it into the tub to play with it.

Something tells me that it's Pixie. She likes to run around with items in her mouth. Just ask Sushi about his disappearing squirrely eheheheh (I take the laugh back...maybe he's checking my blog while I sleep, and taking note that I joked over something as serious and important to him...Mr. Squirrely...I better be ready for his payback for my comments, eeeek).

I Smell Rubber...

Oy. Couldn't get out of my parking spot this morning. The smell of rubber inundated the purple passion...I was alone...Me, clutching my winter jacket, holding on tightly to my gloved hands, and thinking of this big, massive, clump of ice-crap, that was surrounding the car.

O how I love and loathe thee...

But I'm not ready to accept defeat from this wild creature that calls itself winter. I carefully laid kitty litter down and around the bulging tires, hopped back on the softly stained old car seat, gently caressed the automatic shift thingy, and put it in reverse...and drive...and reverse...until it finally freed itself from this imposing beast.

Ahhh, I need a cigarette.

I Think It's Raining in Hell

O wait, those are tears! Yuppers. El Diablo has gained a conscience overnight. He called me this morning from his route, crying. He wants me back, can't stand going home to an empty house, etc...Well, where was all this realization before?

We've had this discussion a few times, and I reminded him that he chose this. I seem to recall he was really happy to not have me in his life ever again. Actually, I have his exact words recorded somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I do feel sorry for him. I think that's it though. I no longer imagine a life with him, at least, not like before. I am hoping that we'll become friends one day, because I think we've been through so much together, that it would be strange to not be in each other's life.

Plus, I can still kick his ass at Skip-Bo, and that should count towards something.

Pixie - The Jumping Bean

I've started noticing a pattern with Pixie, when it comes to being petted (forget cuddling, she's not up for it yet...kind of freaks out if I pick her up, poor kitty). As of today, she will only ask for hand massages if I'm in bed. Maybe she's a tad lesbiana, like Sashimi?

Anyhoo, I'll pet her for about 5-10 minutes (she purrs like a well-oiled machine), then she runs to the other side of the bed, where again, I pet her for another 10 minutes. Interestingly (to me) she repeats this over and over! Perhaps she senses that my right hand gets tired, so she switches sides? What a cutie! Ahhh, I'll keep her forever and ever!

Thanks, BOB. Really!

Ok, I'm usually not so impatient, but I've been having huge beefs with customer service in some stores, that I had to take it out on one of them. Bob's Furniture was the lucky winner.

I ordered a sectional through their website. Received a call from a Wayne Dilton (name changed), explaining that the items I had requested, were out of stock. According to "Wayne", these would be available within one week (plus 2-3 days to arrange for delivery).
At this point, I'm thinking, wow, pretty nice! Not only is it not going to take long to get the sectional (two separate pieces), but someone from one of the stores is calling me to let me know. Unheard of these days!

And then the phone calls start...I don't get the automatic call, letting me know that the delivery can now be scheduled, so I call back. Chaise is available, but sleeper-sofa part is still on backorder. Please call back the following week. And so started the chase...Nobody knows when the sectional will arrive to their warehouse, no, they do not have the contact information for the manufacturer, call back again...it will be here before Thanksgiving, next week, definitely...not here yet? It's here, but waiting to get the "Ok" from the warehouse... Call next week...

There's a "Ask Bob" section on the website, so I composed a lengthy email to "Bob", asking why no one had any idea when my furniture was getting delivered, that I've been waiting over 5 weeks for it, learned for the first time this past week that the sleeper-sofa was a "special order", even though their website made no mention of it (that, and the fact that it was not listed as an out-of-stock item), also included a comment to "Wayne Dilton", giving him a special thanks for misrepresenting the truth (well, lying) by telling me I would have the furniture by
mid-November, when he knew that would never happen.

Eh, I think I might have been PMSing. Not that it's an excuse, but I really don't like being pushed around, or have barely any control over the situation. I did think that since I'm being very bitchy, that they might take a little revenge on the order, so I felt the need to add a disclaimer/threat: "The furniture does not get to my house BEFORE December 24^th, in perfect condition, nothing missing, you can very well expect me to provide a vivid account of my experience to anyone who’ll listen. Had I known this sale would be credited to the Totowa NJ office, which has had bad consumer reviews, I would never have placed my order online."

In retrospect, I think I might have been a bit too harsh, but I really wanted the furniture in before mom comes to visit. Couldn't they have just told me it was a special item that would take an extra 4 weeks to get? So I could either select something else that was readily available or agree to wait? All in all, I think I did learn another good lesson...Contact the store to make sure the item is in stock!

Today, it arrived! All in one piece! (2, technically). Was the wait worth it? Yes! It's pretty sweet looking, and comfy. Kitties are really happy with their new beauty-sleep areas! If my ass cheeks may say so, they are quite ecstatic as well.

Celebration of Life

Today, my friends at work and I went to a Celebration of Life event, in memory of our friend, Barbara, who recently passed away. I can't imagine the act of someone no longer being physically "here". It really feels like she went on vacation, but just hasn't returned.

"Death" just seems such a far-fetched concept. You ARE no longer. It brings about the same incomprehension as trying to come to terms with the fact that the universe is infinite. How is it possible? The more you think about it, the harder it feels like you have a grip on the reality of existence.

How are you gone? I understand it, in terms of a life cycle, and believe you live on in other people's experiences and memories, but you can't return? It's just so final. I don't think I can accept it.

Aside from sobbing like a ninny throughout the church ceremony (concentrate, concentrate...o here's the snot...try not to sniffle...how many lights are there in the huge star hanging by the altar...sniff...sniff...), all I kept thinking was "she never colored her hair blonde". I remember, the first time she went through the treatments and her hair was growing back, that she would go wild and color it. She never did.

I never knew Barbara's life as told by the photos that were posted of her in the church, or by the stories her friends and family shared. I also didn't realize she was just as fond of cinnabons as I am.

Crouching Tiger...Crouching...Tiger...Clench! CLENCH!

Note to self: next time I am in dire need to go to the Ladies' room at work, go a little sooner, ok? Clenching the cheeks and speed walking towards the bathroom, is o-so very obvious.

Reconciliation? Hells No!

Ex called me this morning to tell me he had checked the fluids in the purple passion. He'd had a doctor's appointment (right across the street from where I work), and stopped by to do some maintenance.

He said he wanted both cats back, that I could just keep the black one. Apparently, he's lonely. Also mentioned he wanted me to move back in with him. O really? I told him that would be a "no" on the cats, that he wanted his mommy and daddy here with him, but no pets, since they consider them dirty, and unfit to live with...

As far as a reconciliation, hell would have to freeze over first. Not that I believe in the existence of such place, but work with me here. I told him he got exactly what he wanted. El diablo said that he messed up a lot of things. No?! Really?! I wouldn't have guessed.

It's far too late for me to even imagine the possibility of being with him again. I can't get back the time I wasted on him, and that's what I probably regret the most...The last few years. If I think back on all the bad moments, I think the hospital period was when I should have ended it. I remember talking to my mom on the phone about it; explaining how unsupportive he was. What kind of person would call someone who's in the hospital "lazy"? He came to see me once, during those 4 days. The day he came, he was on the normal rampage of how I can't do anything, that I'm just lazy...He got me so upset, I threatened to call a nurse and have him thrown out.

The whole rationale given at that time, was that he didn't know how to deal with the fear of loss, but at some point, don't you have to push your feelings aside, and care for the person you supposedly love?

Just Take My Wallet...

Another trip to the dentist...I had to have posts inserted in two teeth. Thanks, Dr. K (former dentist & associates) for ruining a healthy tooth of mine, by performing a root-canal on the wrong one.

At least, now I've semi-conquered the fear of going to the dentist, after such a bad experience with my ex-doctor. In the new practice, they really take good care of you (well, it does come at a hefty price...). At first, Dr. K (who's, by the way, marrying a fellow Portuguese patriot!), wanted to go in without anesthesia, but since I was flinching so much (ahhhh the anticipation of pain...), we decided to go to plan B --- anesthesia and an x-ray in the middle to find out if the posts were inserted properly.

Over $1000 later, my wallet seems very light... Thank goodness for dental insurance! I'll submit my claim on Monday!

Wow, Another Day Off!

I am so totally in love with my new place, even if I still don't have couches yet... and I'm so adoring this time off. I can't believe how much work I'm getting done, and I don't even feel sickened by it yet!

I bought some commercial grade runner (I know, not the prettiest thing...but hey, it's durable and gets the job done) yesterday, and today, I cut it to fit around the water heater in the bedroom adjoining closets. Perfect! Now, I can actually start organizing the space!

Running on a Spare Tire

I've got the donut on! And I'm on a mission... Went to Mowes (name changed) today, to find me some light-switch plates (replacing 7), various heavy-duty screws, a piece of plywood (for the future location of the kitties' litterbox)...

I realy shouldn't be allowed to shop anymore. I'm actually tired of needing this or that every other day. My bank account is shrinking by the minute! Unfortunately for the account, I saw a 50% off sign on all Christmas decorations, including the little villages...

Damned cute stuff...

Cars...It's a Love-Hate Relationship

Just great...Today, I was supposed to be off from work (Wed-Fri), but since there were too many things going on with my webcasts and what-nots, I decided it would be in my best interest to get my ass to work. Can't do vacation whilst thinking of the work that will be awaiting me.

Anyhoo, derriere is dressed, ready to go. And I do go...well...until I leave my parking lot at home.

Flat tire. Flipping great. Gotta call el diablo to get it fixed. Don't really want to call AAA for something that the ex can get done. Well, technically, I do have the knowledge to change a tire myself, but I've never had to do it. I thank Mr. Q from my all-girls catholic high-school for the lesson. I wonder how he's doing? Last time I heard, he had had an affair with a student...But I digress...

Rest of day, fortunately, went a whole lot better.

It's a Sad Day for Carpet Cleaners

Email sent to a carpet cleaner asking for a quote to do my place:

Hi:

I would like to find out how much you charge for your carpet cleaning services. It's for a one-bedroom condo (first floor, no steps): bedroom + closet area, "hall", living-room, and two small area rugs (biggest one is maybe 5x4 at the most).

I've just moved in, so I do not know the origin of most of the stains (except 1/2 dozen spots or so I can vouch for*), and am guessing the previous owner not only had poor vision, but a distaste for cleaning, because the carpet looks like it's never seen shampoo.

*The oldest of my cats didn't take the recent move so well, and he took revenge on the carpet, by throwing up on maybe six areas, and expressing his resentment by urinating in one spot.

Thank you,
Ana

Er...will I be hearing from them, ever?

Danged Curtain Rods!!!

My project for Sunday was to re-position* the curtain rod in the living-room, and then install two in the bedroom. Once I got the gist of it, it was pretty easy. I didn't even measure or anything, and it came out really well.

Once up, the curtains were easy to add. My only issue, was that I was placing curtains over vertical blinds, so there isn't much space between the mechanism for the blinds, and the rod...so "pulling back the curtains" will take some effort.

In any case, I'm checking another item off my list, yay!

* eh, I placed them way too high...I was trying to avoid covering the electric heaters...the end result (before the "makeover") looked like I had placed a pair of pants all the way up to the chest, tied it nicely with a belt that was 3 sizes too big, and then added long socks to cover the now-exposed ankles. So sad...

Getting Tired of His Ass

Ok, no, I'm not talking about the handyman...He actually called this morning, and then came over to replace the flooring that was rotted, and installed the new water heater.

What I'm getting tired of, is trying to be graceful towards the ex-husband, who is still dangling the money he owes me, like a carrot, right in front of my eyes. I really did think we could remain "friendly", but he's making it impossible.

I am still driving the purple passion, because HE insisted. I wanted to give the car back, many times, and he said no, for me to continue using it, because it gets great mileage. How did I fall for that trick again?

Sure, it is true...with a full tank, I can go one month. In my Mazda? Maybe 2 weeks...it's a guzzler. Plus, he was supposed to get the heater fixed, and never did. That was two years ago. I know, I know...My car, my decision. I have no excuse now (before, it was I would never hear the end of it, for going to a mechanic without consulting el in-house mecanico ---aka him). It's either getting ripped off at a garage, or getting el diablo more involved in my life. I think it's time I get robbed by a stranger.

Anyhoo, there was another story here, but I've digressed a bit in the last paragraph...He took the purple passion, and I took his Toyota (we made the "exchange" at Commerce Bank, where I was running an errand). He told me if I turned off the engine in his other car, I might not be able to start the car up again.

This just had to coincide with my need to meet up with Frank, the handyman, so we could get plywood from Worm Depot (name changed). I took my chances with the car. And I failed! Uh-oh...I called H up, and asked what would happen if his car wouldn't start. Instead of giving me instructions, he proceeds with the "mother f*cker" this, "f*cking b*tch", "ugly lazy head" that, and the ever so endearing terms he calls me. Then he proceeds to tell me what I'm supposed to do, but he keeps screaming on the cell, so it's hard to follow...

Luckily for me (Frank had no idea this was happening; he had come separately in his truck), a young couple parks right next to me, as I'm holding a piece of wire that somehow, I'm supposed to start the battery up with, trying to listen to the directions as he's practically crying now..., and the girl tells me the guy, who's with her, is a mechanic and will take a look at the car for me.

Ah...thank goodness for these small coincidences...and for the kindness of strangers. The guy starts up the car in like a second, and then I go in my merry way, hanging up on him, when he tries to call again for a bit more yelling.

After el diablo returns from Newark, with the purple passion, he calls me up to tell me he's in my driveway. I pretend to be on my way out (kind of a "just waiting for you to return so I can finish my errands" type of deal), because he wants to say hello to Sushi, then he wants to use the bathroom...He wants to go inside, that's what he wants...I tell him to go home. He's got a bathroom there (two very nice ones, even...). The last mental picture I have of that scene, is him with his arms up, and starting to curse. I put my foot on the gas, and didn't look back.

Did We Break Up?

I'm out of sorts with this whole handyman thing. He hasn't called! I'm wondering what I may have done to upset him, then I get angry and resentful for giving him so much power. Is he with me? Is he not? Is this his way of breaking up with my to-do-list?

Arghhhhhhhhh! I hate not knowing... That's it. He doesn't call me this week, I may have to start shopping around for people...But he's so good and affordable...Should I give him another chance?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I went to my friend Natalie's house. I can't believe I have been going over for the holidays for the last, what, 15 years? Holy crap! I should really come down to visit every now and then, because I miss being around Nat and her family. I'm such an old fart, always thinking of the long drive, as if it were really that great of a distance!

I made cheddar bay biscuits, yummers! I wish Thanksgiving came around more than once a year, because Nat's family always makes it so great, and I'm not just talking about all the juicy foods...I think they are the only thing I miss about Newark - well that, and illegal cable.

Unidentified Treat

The next door neighbors' fuzzy multi-colored cat (the one that taunts my little prince) caught something that was once very alive. All I could see was a small head, and lots of guts.

She gave me the evil eye, so I didn't really want to come any closer. Perhaps she thought I would want to steal her meal? No thanks. If I want any rodents, I'll take my chances at a McRomal's (name changed to protect the identity of the occasional offender).

Where is the Turdinator???

I was concentrating very hard, in the ladies' room at work today, and thought we haven't had an "incident" in a very long time. No turds placed inappropriately. Hmmm...Donde esta el Turdinator? Kind of makes me want to list all the muchachas that have left around the same time the turds disappeared...Coincidence? I think not.

Imaginary Restraint

Lately, I've been questioning myself...How did I get so fuddy duddy with everything? Why is it that I always restrain myself from being who I really am? What holds me back?

I feel old and republican, two things I'm definitely not. Where have I gone wrong? Well, that's just a rhetorical question here people...I think I have a tiny idea, ehehehe...I can easily blame it on living with a negative person for so long, but ultimately, I had the choice to leave him, even if I thought I couldn't then.

I let myself go. I let myself down.

Back when I started dating my ex-husband, I made a somewhat conscious decision to not have friendships with guys, one very important to me in particular, for fear of it being judged as "inappropriate" (or was it that I knew I would never be able to resist him? Probably that...).

I stopped worrying about myself, and dedicated my time and effort to a relationship that was wrong from the begining. And to think I didn't listen to the little voice inside that said I didn't have to marry him, just because I told him I would...Why did I ever feel like I had to? Such sense of obligation and duty...

I know this may seem like bits and pieces of something I can't quite put down on "paper", but I can't get myself to say it more directly. I keep thinking of a past relationship, but for which purpose?

I think of being with someone who writes little love notes, treats me like I'm made of the best stuff on earth, can't believe he is with me, fills my world with passion, longing, innocence, and gives me a sense of security and belonging...Encourages me to be imperfect.

Happy Birthday to Me! Where Are My Naked Men?

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday, happy birthday...
Happy Birthday to me!

Who wrote this song? What a wild imagination, such creativity...Ok, down to business...Today, I got swept away into an evening of fun! Let's see...went to Sogo's in Denville for dinner. Had a great experience (very nice decor), food was ok (still not as good as ol' East Tokyo!), but the Chef, Frank (seriously. that WAS the name on his tag...) provided lots of entertainment, and I was in great company anyway, so all was good!

Right after, went to see Role Models, which I absolutely almost pissed my pants. Wait, I was wearing a dress, so cross that out.

As if that weren't enough, went to my friend's house, where there was a nice display of more food, a bit of alcohol (giggle giggle), coffee, and Skip-Bo. Yeah baby, one of my favorite card games ever! I won too, and it wasn't just because it was my birthday, eheheheh

Am I Dating the Handyman?

Ok, no I'm not, but I was waiting to find out if he was coming to the condo to repair the floor and replace the water heater.

But is this what it feels like? Waiting for his phone call? Getting nervous that he's not going to call back? Maybe I didn't pay him enough? Should I have tipped him?

Early Birthday Celebrations!

Another reason why I loves me the people at work...Besides the fact that they know how to party, that is...they decorate your cube with lots of stuff (I have to limbo to get to my desk), make you feel special, and take you out to lunch. Cool beans!

We went to Thai Nam Phet. Oooo delicious pad thai. I have to try to make it at home!

To top it off, I took a half day today, and a full day tomorrow. Yiiiippppiiieeee!

He's Withholding Text

I've been feeling so at peace lately...The birds are singing, my place feels like home to me...Something is different...Ah, yes...el Diablo hasn't called ever since we had that fight on Saturday.

Weee Weee Wahhh!!!

That is the ridiculous sound of my ex-husband complaining. He came over to touch-up the touch-ups in the ceiling, which I really could have done, but he seems to want to do it so badly...and of course, as soon as he came in, he noticed the new water heater, planted, right there in the living-room.

"What's this?" A water heater, I responded, and explained (as if I were still married to him and needed to rationalize my purchases...) that the old one is corroded, and needs to be replaced. "Who told you you needed to buy a new one?" Pardonnez-moi, petit hole de ass? I'm pretty sure if something is fucking leaking, has rust all over the bottom, and has rotted the closet floor, where it's located, that it needs to be ripped off, no? I'm just guessing.

I brushed him off, saying I have a person doing that for me, and that must have set off some alarms in the back of his bird-brain. He started playing the childish games he used to play, hoping that, somehow, I'm caught again in his web of stupidity..."How much did you pay for that?", none of your business...But apparently, that answer wasn't good enough for him, and it must have fed into his little frenzy...

All of a sudden, I feel like I'm back again, in the old house, defending my way of being. He starts going off, saying I don't appreciate him (what???), and all the work (???) he's been doing for me for the last 3 weeks...He kicks the bag of food I had prepared for him (yeah, what a real man he is...), and then I proceed to evict him from my presence.

I just didn't like where the conversation was going. He seems to think that ever since I got the condo, that all of a sudden I think my schmidt don't stink...Well, it don't...It smell like roses.

Pfffft.

The Troublemaker

My little prince is being taunted by the neighbor's cat. The cat, let's call him/her "the troublemaker", is an outdoor kitty, who prances around jumping from window sill to window sill making fun of my babies for being locked up.

Well, I was coming home from work today, and saw the troublemaker laughing it up at my Sushi's expense. Then all of a sudden, they start "fighting" (well, there was a window between them), and it just makes me giggle, because both of them remind me of a character Michael McDonald played on Mad TV, Ron? Kind of fought by flinging his arms awkwardly? Just think of the typical cat fight, paws and all...

Anyhoo, the two cats were in the middle of the action, when the troublemaker, loses his/her footing, and falls into the bushes. I guess you had to see it, but it was really cute in a slightly retarded way. Poor bunnies.

O What a Beautiful Morning...O What a Beauti...BOINK!

Although the first time I saw my new condo, I was slightly horrified, I did find the nice big window in the living room to be a great thing. It's actually one big piece of glass, with a window on each side. I mean, that's the only way I know how to describe it.

Sooo this morning, as I was prepping the house for visits (the guy who's going to be replacing my water heater, eheheh), I opened the vertical blinds, and just took a moment to admire the beauty of this cloudy day. The leaves are floating through the air, making gentle rustling sounds, and then...BOINK.

Yep...red cardinal...flew right into the window...Guess I need to find some anti-bird-crashing devices for the place. Not to worry, birdy was ok.

Promotion and New Title…A Bazillion Pesos. Funny Mother…Priceless!

Momsie called yesterday morning. I had sent her and Gil an email with my new address and phone number, along with a note on my promotion. She called to congratulate me, and to check on how I’m doing at the new place.

I told her, at my new position, I will be making x-amount more. She asked “dollars”? I’m pretty sure I don’t get paid in pesos, but I knew what she meant (dollars or did I convert the amount into Swiss Francs so it made more sense to her?). She said it wasn’t bad! I said “x-amount a year”. “Oh.” Nah, she still thought it was good stuff, and she was so happy for me.

We moved on to discuss mi new casa, and she asked if there was anything in particular I would like for my chateau. I said something for the walls would be really nice to have, like a painting? I have a few that one of my “stepfather’s” nephews (?...don’t know his exact relationship to Gil) did that my mom passed on to me. Anything for decorating would be wonderful!

And then, I mentioned the color of each room…Ahhh, I am sure she will grow to love them…She started throwing words like “warm colors”, “oranges”, “yellows”…By the way I described the paint colors, she says I’ve chosen too dark ones…Eh, not necessarily. The bedroom is light bluish-gray, the bathroom buttery-yellow, the kitchen phlegm-green (eheehhe, it’s nicer than that!), and the living room medium blue with a touch or two of gray. Not too shabby, I think.

She's Got the Squirrely!!! Let the War Begin.

This morning, Pixie got a hold of Sushi's Squirrely. Don't know if I ever mentioned this, but Squirrely is my oldest kitty's FAVORITE toy. He loves it so much, I can't believe he hasn't humped it yet (see the look he gave me, when I took his picture? It's the "go ahead, try to pry this beauty out of my sharp nails. I dare ya").

I've been sleeping with an eye open ever since.



To my shock and horror, I see Squirrely in Pixie's little paws, and she's fighting the squirrel, like it's going out of business. And then...then...she proceeded to prance around, with Squirrely between her teeth.

Now, it's bad enough that she has been kung-fu fighting Sushi's bed, but now, she's taken possession of his stuffed mate. In her defense, she's just a little kitten, discovering the world of toys...She's so cute! Where the heck is my camera? I gotta take some photos of the action.

What da?!!!

I know I say that a lot. A whole lot. My first morning at the new place, I am half asleep, the other half slowly waking up to some weird noises coming from my upstairs neighbors...Eh? I guess it was inevitable, but I think I may have heard them doing "something". There was some squeaking, and he sounded like he was lifting something heavy, kind of like "heeeee heeeeee". Is this was I think it is??? Some Barry White action? And that was it? Geeeeeeez, kind of quiet people.

Lovely.

Saturday Night Fever...and Flu???

I must have the flu or something...I feel miserable, but then again, I've been "moving" for like a week now. Everything hurts, and I'm in a foul mood.

Today was the day I picked up the kitties, and officially moved. I couldn't go into the new place without them. Surprisingly, Sushi was the easiest to catch, although he threw in some drama, by smooshing his face against the pet carrier, letting out a sad meow. Such an actor.

Sashimi was crying like she was being kidnapped by a group of gang members. Sheeeesh. She got Pixie so traumatized, she was catatonic. The two of them went into hiding in one of the closets. Lemme tell ya, I don't remember having a black cat before, but these puppies are hard to find in the dark!

Ex came to the house to paint. I was on my way out to get food, litter, marijuana (aka Catnip), etc for my kids. It was raining hard (like, cats and dogs...), I was carrying a cart-full of stuff, could barely see my way to the car. And then, it happened...I broke the key to the car...Yes, the purple passion became keyless. Cripes! At least, it broke in the trunk lock, and not anywhere else.

Pain-in-the-ass came to the rescue, and unlike most normal people, instead of looking for the purple car first, he parked his own, and in the rain, went looking for me...

The conversation on the cell phone went something like this (well, technically this was the second phone call...The first one he made, was to ask where he turned to go into Petsmart---he's been there a few times---he also practically cried over the key being broken, and started telling me off, then proceeded into a monologue over how hard his life is, that he wants to kill himself, and that's when I hung up on him):

Ex: Where do I turn?
Me: What?
Ex: Do I make a right or a left?
Me: I just saw you park your car in the next row. I can see you. I'm in the car.
Ex: Where are you???
Me: In THE CAR.
Ex: You are not listening to me, O stupid. Do I make a left or a right?
Me: Go back towards your car. (Mind you, I had been beeping the horn all this time)
Ex: Come out, I cannot see you.
Me: It's fucking raining, I'm not getting out!
Ex: O, I see you.

And I married him? I should've had my head examined.

I'm an Ana-Lyst!!!

It happened! It finally happened!!! I was promoted and given an appropriate title!!! So fitting too...Marketing Ana-Lyst, eheheheh I'm trying to get past the anal-yst part, so I'm looking at it from my point of view as "Ana".

I'm so excited, I think I just might pee in m'a pants!!! I can relax a little now. I can't wait to tell my mom and sister. I just know when I tell my mom, she's going to ask me the amount of the raise, and after I tell her, she'll say something like "a month?", and I'll say "no, a year". She's so cute.

O I'm in Big BIG Trouble...

I've posted the kitten's picture and description in the building where I work. Maybe I can find someone nice to adopt her. I got so excited over finding her a home, that I decided to pamper the kitty last night.

I went to Petsmart, got a few cleaning supplies, along with a new black collar with "diamonds". It matches the ones I have for Sushi (teal) and Sashimi (pink). I gave her a towel bath, but then decided the best way to take the outdoorsy smell out of her, would be with a nice bath. I used baby shampoo, and she smells delicious! I gave her a mani-pedi as well. She looks so pretty!

Ah dang it, I'm in trouble, aren't I...

Last Sunday at the House, I think!

Ok, so this should be my last weekend at my little dream home. I've been packed for quite a while, and have not felt sad for leaving in a looooong time.

Ex, on the other hand, is feeling the pressures of living on his own, and he hasn't even started. This evening, as he was putting his clothes away, he sadly asked who was going to buy him socks, shirts, sweat pants, for him now. I smiled and said, "not me!" Same goes for his requests for cakes, cookies, and everything else. You've got two hands. Use them for something else other than scratching your ass!

Sucker.

Just When I Think He Can No Longer Surprise Me...

You know how you see something wrong, but your mind just can't quite piece it together for a while? That is exactly what I experienced when I got home. Ex's car was parked on the street, there were other vehicles around, and a huge truck in the driveway.

My brain could not compute. Something happened to the house? Maybe the big maple tree is being yanked out??? What da feck! I smelled tar. He's having the driveway paved. Say what?!

Ok, I'm a bit fuming, and I'll explain why. Where did he find the money to have it paved? The lowest quote we've gotten was for about $7,000-$8,000 (it's a big driveway). According to Ex, he has no money (so he says), but still owes me quite a chunk from the divorce settlement, so what gives?

Turns out, he fell for the "o, we've got extra materials, we'll only charge you this much" line. Ok, so he did get an excellent deal, but for one, it is said that the materials used are no longer at the perfect temperature for pouring by the time they hit the next house, and that this is sort of a scam. Fine. It's his problem. Mine is that he could have used that money for O-say, pay me back??? Just an idea.

Trying Something Different

Many of my attempts to divert ex-husband's attention away from me, fail. What kind of attention? The kind that makes me frustrated and want to throw sand at his eyes, stick a pencil up his nose, and call him satan. Yes, that kind...

Some examples? O say, I've been waiting all week to watch the new episode of Desperate Housewives, and by some odd coincidence, it just so happens that that is the time he must, urgently, discuss the chores he has to finish before going to bed (make sandwich, hang uniform for the next day. That's it. Seriously.) Obviously, the best time to discuss this is during the show, NOT during the commercial breaks. Annoying? Ummm...Yes. NEXT!

When he "pets" me. Ahhh where's that danged pencil??? Especially now, that we are divorced, and he really shouldn't be touching me at all...I've always hated it, and have told him a bagillion times that I am not a fucking dog, he still tries to run his hand on top of my head. Today, I had to try something new, just to be a little surprising. I hissed at him. It worked!

Smitten for Kitten

The little black kitten, whom I've named Lilly, is still here. I feel so bad for her. I brought her inside again, cuddled her, kissed her, o boy, I'm in big trouble here...

No. I must resist the temptation. I cannot have another cat in a one-bedroom condo. I can't! She is adorable and so warm...Gorgeous black fur, big golden eyes...Sniff...My heart is breaking for Lilly. I am smitten for kitten...

Sushi did not take it too well though. I picked Lilly, and I walked around the house with her. Sushi, upon seeing this, proceeded to pee in our paper recycle stash. He just can't take change. He's going to paint the new condo yellow!

Super-Kitty???

It couldn't possibly have been the kitty...Nah...She's too little, right? I woke up this morning, my first thought being, is the kitty in the trap? I went to see. Ummm, somehow, the trap had "moved" from one side of the deck, to the other (I suppose across the bridge?) Either we have a super-cat on our hands, or a raccoon stopped by for some treats. Yep, must be the latter. All the food was gone, the trap door shut, and no raccoon inside. Little bastard must be laughing his heavily-lined eyes off.

Kitties on the Loose

I asked K at work, if she could please call some places to see if they could take the stray kitties. A lady from the Roxbury pound, Sue, said she normally wouldn't, but agreed to pick them up, and give them to the Lakeland Animal Haven.

She set up traps for all 3 (I ran home during lunch to greet her), and said she would return for them later. Two were caught, but the little black one managed to avoid it. She's a smart little bugger, ain't she???

Closing one Door, Opening Another!!!

The closing finally took place. Of course, not without a few snags along the way...The wire transfer took a lot longer than I was led to believe, when I requested it on Friday. I called the bank (after many phone calls to/from my attorney, who informed me she would not be able to do the closing and issue checks without the funds --- well, makes sense), and arranged fro the money to be transferred from my passbook savings account into my checking (apparently, that was one of the causes for the delay).

During the phone sessions, I made my way to the condo to have that final walk-through. I was running about 2-3 minutes late, so I decided to give my real estate agent a call. She sounded a bit taken by surprise, so she probably forgot that we had arranged to meet at 11:00. Anyhoo, 30 minutes later, she arrives, and we go in. Of course, the seller did not do ANYTHING to the place that he agreed to (he's staying until the 15th on a per diem basis). I am assuming my kitties will be happily mouse-hunting for a while. Joy.

I met the attorney at 1:00 (seller, his attorney, and agents were not present), and was informed that the funds were finally available! After signing my life away, I placed a call to my agent, who was on stand-by, to pick up her check (all others would receive theirs by mail). The agent and I went back to the condo to retrieve the keys in the lockbox, because she didn't bring a set with her. She gave me two pouches of treats for my kitties, and promised to have my toilet replaced as a gift, once I moved in. Flush!

Kitties at Play

Nothing breaks your daydreaming as fast as reality hitting you right in the butt. I am watching the stray kitties outside, frolicking in the sun, pouncing each other, enjoying the sunny afternoon…And then I think that they are homeless. Three gorgeous babies, and no one to take care of them. No home.

I contacted a shelter and a clinic on Wednesday, to see if any would take them in. The shelter had a 3-month waiting period before they could accept new cats, and the clinic did not. I spoke to someone named Janice, who mentioned she would be interested in one. I gave her my home address, and really hoped that she would come by and keep one. I still see all three.

Nothing also makes you go into daydream-mode, than having yet another screaming session with the asshole I refer to as “ex-husband”. Since it’s Sunday, I should have expected fighting of some sort. This one, at least, was short-lived.

Let’s see…I told him I was going to make breakfast. Instead of just waiting a few minutes while I got everything ready, he started heating water for his coffee, “cooking” some sort of toaster muffins in a buttered pan (I really don’t know…he bought the stuff). By the time I started on the scrambled eggs, he had already had his first breakfast.

I took out the tomato jam from the fridge, which he had placed back after he was done with it, and the jar falls to the floor. I’m holding the top. He didn’t screw it properly. Of course, he yells out that I don’t know what I’m doing, what’s wrong with me…blah blah blah…

Seriously, don’t get me wrong. I’m just as guilty of this as he is. I chose to marry him. I “let” him mistreat me, in the hopes that he would “change”, or fulfill my wishes of having the perfect life. No more!!! And that’s when I start thinking that in a couple of weeks, I will never EVER have to deal with him, at least not on a daily basis. Yay!

Closing Date TBD???

PV, my attorney called me this morning to go over the numbers. They seemed fine, just higher than projected. Fine. She did mention the discrepancy, but said that the closing would not happen Monday, if any figures were changed now. She already got the approval from everyone involved, and cut the checks.

I told her I would deal with the lender later. I don’t want to risk delaying this thing one more day, given everyone has re-arranged schedules just to accommodate the million closing date changes (well, let’s not discount the fact that it all started with the seller needing an extra 2 weeks for his own closing…)

I’m getting anxious again!!!

Closing Date Approaches

Ok, the closing date is Monday, and I’m getting anxious. I can’t wait! Right before lunch, I received a call from Cristy from the lending bank. O boy, I hate these calls. She said for me to expect a phone call from Sally (?), that this will be a three-way to discuss the payoff of the old loans. O boy. O boy… I was so nervous, I took one magic pill. I mean, it was close to 1:00, and my stomach was already knotting at the anticipation of the phone call.

Everything was ok. It was just to verify that the loans had been paid off, but Cristy was able to get the info through the automated system. Everything is back to being ok. I know, I worry too much.

I received a call from my attorney with the amount I need to bring at closing. I found it to be about $2,000 higher than estimated, so I questioned if a points charge had been deleted (about $990, which the lender said they would check on it, and remove if appropriate). I called my attorney back, but was unable to reach her. I left a voicemail with my concerns, but said I would get the wire transfer done right after work.

An Arm and a Leg, and an Empty Wallet

I went to my new dentist today. Shall I stop right here? I think the title and first sentence in this entry, together, are self-explanatory. Ok, so I did select an excellent practice. I had visited them the first time to get a second opinion. Not that I really needed it, because I am 100% sure my old dentist performed a root canal on the wrong tooth. Ever since then, I’ve been avoiding visits…I used to be able to go in, without any fear, now…it’s a whole different story.

It took 2 ½ hours. Yes, that’s how long they will take with you on your first official visit. Very thorough. Answered all my questions, performed the ever-so-detested cleaning, made a mold of my mouth, took photos, digital radiographs, measured gum depth (?), and so much more…Really, the whole nine yards. And then came the bill. $526. I swear. I thought I hadn’t heard clearly…Took a few minutes for the number to make its way to my brain, eheheheh

I must remind myself, before fainting again, that the practice does not deal with the insurance directly. I pay up-front, and then wait to be reimbursed by my health insurance.

My dental plan says that I pay 0% of routine care, whether in-network, or out-of-network. They do have a limit though. I can’t wait to see how much I’ll get back! Guess I need to have a magic pill ready. Then again, I know I’m getting the best care ever. It’s time to put myself first, and get the job done correctly.

Oops, He Did it Again

It will be interesting to see how well ex will do on his own. Mostly, because he tells me all the time how worried he is of me being on my own, when I "can't do anything".

This morning, I gave him some news... I checked the joint account balance (he's had "control" over it for a while now), and it showed an overdraft! He cannot manage bills. It's nothing new.

He flipped out, as normal. Accused me and/or the bank of screwing something up...Really?! It wouldn't cross his mind to think that perhaps, just maybe, he is careless (o, does the word "irresponsible" come to mind? Ahhh yes, that's the same one he's used on me for years, when it was clearly not true).

We just went over the deposits and withdrawals. Of course, everything was very clear. Including the fact that he's a jackass, who apparently, can't count.

Getting There

We received the right documents for Ex's refinance yesterday. Finally! After many tears and blood (from papercuts, that is), it looks like we're getting there.

I had him sign/initial all the paperwork, which he took with him today, for the notarizing portions. He returned the documents to me, I made copies, and sent it along to the lender. I feel as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I know this was his responsibility, but if I wanted it done, I had to do it myself, because he tends to be uhhh lost...

My name will be removed from the loan, so they say, on October 1st. My closing date has moved to October 3rd. Hope all goes well! Otherwise, I am predicting a little fit of my own, and I will be kicking his ass.

He's What?!

What da bleep?! When did this happen? Have I been living under a rock???? Jonathan Knight of NKOTB is gay?! I always thought Jordan was, but not his brother...

There go all my dreams of being Mrs. Knight. Especially now, that I'm finally single and ready to mingle...I thought we would have our real chance at love. Alas, the deluded, daydreamer/fiancee pretender is always the last one to know.

Sad, so sad...

I Squealed Like a Little Girl

My friends and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert, at the Izod. O my... I didn't think I would be this excited! I did scream a little bit, too, eheheh, but hey, no one would have noticed given the megabillion girls doing the same.

It was good! I still have to figure out who was the guy who opened up before Natasha Bedingfield (who was fantastic, by the way). I've heard his songs on Z100, but don't know his name!

Talk about entertainment and High School memories! All five Kids sounded wonderful, very energetic, and totally delicious. Speaking of which, I had a craving for beer, seeing it everywhere, so I got it!

Also worth mentioning, the couple of trashed gals who made this an even better night. One dressed in those kinds of pants that say things like "juicy" on the butt, was "housing" the plexiglass that prevents people from falling over the railings. Apparently, she was doing this little show for someone in another level, because she was holding a cell phone and pointing at herself.

Another woman, was doing some provocative dancing with her scarf, lifting her leg up and down, while barely keeping stable in high heels. Ahhh, now that was classy. So much so in fact that the person who showed us to our seats, asked her to stop. Perhaps she thought he was gay, or maybe that he was too distracted by her sexiness, and needed her to halt.

Feeling the Pressure

I've been slightly absent from my blog here... Just now catching up...instead of writing the entries separately for each day, aujour d'hui, I will condense the happenings, but this time only!

Things have not been going as well as I would have hoped, with the mortgage, his refinance, me leaving the house...Where do I begin?

Mortgage:
I was supposed to have a commitment letter from my lender on the 15th. Turns out no one had asked for this, and the deadline passed, so I called the bank, and asked for one. Took a while to get it, and when I received it, it didn't look like a normal CL...I don't think it was...Anyhoo, the loan processor included verbiage on the pending appraisal review by the underwriter. Sounds very ominous, that word. I am the UNDERWRITER, I take my victims into the depths of financial confusion, whilst sucking the life out of you, and adding some rouge to your cheeks. Bow down to the underwriter, oooo...scary.

Leaving the House:
Just when you thought you were in the clear...Seller has found a place of his own, and his closing date is October 15th. He's asking to move our closing date, to accomodate his own. Ahhh perfect, just nifty. I am going to get stuck living with ex for an additional 2 weeks. Lovely.

Ex's Refinance:
The closing date is today. Supposedly...His bank has made so many mistakes, I really don't know if they were really listening when we said we were refinancing to REMOVE me from the loans...My name kept popping up all over the place, and I said I refused to sign anything...And I have. Don't know what their game is, but this is going to put a huge damper on my own plans, if it doesn't get done correctly.

Hmmm Lost in Jam

Ok, is this an addiction? Making jams???? I hope not, but the intense urge to boil fruit down, add some sugar and/or other flavorings, is making me extremely excited. To the point, that I am dreaming about which fruits I can combine for the next batch. Ahhh, fruity fruits, yes...tomatoes, blackberries, raspberries, pumpkin!

I think I'm getting hot here. Ooo apples, I think I'll do apples and cinnamon next!!!! I just don't know who the hell is going to eat all this stuff! I wish I had married someone who would love to be my guinea pig...

Saturday Fight Live

The argument started a day early! I was expecting the yelling on Sunday, o, I don't know, over bread or chicken maybe??? Nope. It started with checking the joint account for the balance. Somehow, it moved to him telling me I had to pay for ½ of the electrical, cable, phone, etc bills next month.

Of course, he did not understand the concept of my advanced deposits, and demanded that I pay. I asked why should I, since we have enough money in the account to cover for October’s bills (hence the "advanced" deposits, which I started when I first opened the account…).

As usual, he started with the mother bleeper this, mother bleeper that, and I went for the first xanax. By the time I had reached for the second pill, he had already said he wasn’t going to continue to have my cell phone under his plan (he gets a discount from his union), and guess what, he is not going to pay me the $9500 he owes me (of which, he was already planning to subtract $1000 for my car’s repair, $600-$800 for the gas he's put in it for this year, etc…). Mentioned also, that he was going to "charge" me for the gas he’s put in the car in the last 7 years. O dear…what a silly man I married…

It moved to him saying that the extra $4,000 he had "offered" me, was for everything in the house, and that I wasn't supposed to take anything with me. Uhhhh, really??? It was actually for ME to buy furniture, to replace the one I wasn't taking…

I brought out the agreement that was entered into the divorce decree, which specified I could take ANYTHING I wanted with me, excluding appliances, living room, dining room, bedroom sets (minus the tempur pedic in the master bedroom). He, then, proceeded to tell me he was going to get a marshal to my new place, get all of the items he claims are his, and have me arrested. Seriously?! I did marry him while I was conscious?

The xanax didn’t seem to suffice. I think nothing would help when dealing with him. I no longer know whether to cry out of frustration for the stupid mistake I made of marrying him (and staying with him!) in the first place, or laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Ok, today, I pick the latter.

Where's Waldo? Give Mommy a Big Kiss! Ahh How Fast They Grow...

Awww'righty. Black kitty is back! It hid under the bridge in the backyard. I took a picture, and all you can see is one eye peeking back at you, ehehehe. Yep, he's completely black.

I gave him food his morning, and am waiting to see if he returns tonight. I've left a plate of dry food, just in case...

Speaking of the kitty and my incessant thoughts of adopting another pet...I stumbled upon an article on pet hoarding, and it mentioned compulsive caregiving:

"It is quite common for animal hoarders to report very dysfunctional childhoods, characterized by inconsistent and unstable parenting if not outright abuse, during which animals were the only stable fixtures.
A dysfunctional childhood is correlated with a disordered attachment style. This can result in a controlling pattern of relationships, such as compulsive caregiving, as an adult. In this behavior pattern, a person selects someone with a sad or difficult life, and provides care obsessively, irrespective of whether the care is wanted or needed. "

I think that explains, at least partly, why I cannot stop wanting another being to take care of. Whether a skunk or another cat...I spoke to K at work about it, and she said one would not do it. It would never be enough. And she's very right. I don't want to become a crazy cat lady...Yet, I have no idea how to handle this.

It may also touch upon another reason why I chose EX. He was very naive in many ways, and I probably thought I could mold him into the perfect husband and father. I guess he was much more of a challenge than I calculated. Then again, he wasn't this insane before!

Ghhaaaaahhhhh Black Boogers!

Spray-painting day! Refinishing a dresser, and a bistro set. Holy crap. There's fucking paint all over the place! Yiiippppiiieeee O the fumes, the fumes! Even the bees are flying all retarded. Poor babies.

I think I inhaled way too many chemicals. I cleaned my nose, and the tissue was black. I'm feeling woooooosie!!!

Moving My Crap

Ok, really shouldn't say crap. It's good stuff, things that I love and/or use frequently. I moved a whole bunch of boxes, etc from the master bedroom to the other bedroom on the first floor.

Ahhh yes, that would have been my baby's room...The other two upstairs would have been a reading room, and a playroom. So perfect for that too...But I digress.

Anyhoo. I am really excited about moving to the new place. I am finally going to have it the way I want it, without having to hear him yap about how much money I spent, where I bought it, and so on...

I'm Having an Affair...

...so ex thinks! I went out to dinner and watch The House Bunny with a friend from work. A girl, by the way. I called him up, just to be courteous, to let him know that I wouldn't be coming home until late. Also asked him to record Big Brother, but that's another subject, ehehehe

He mumbled something about knowing what I'm doing, but "anyway"...What? Ok, he can think whatever he wants. I'm just going to enjoy my evening, it's not like I have to answer to him anyway. Ass.

Leaking Again

I got a little bit emotional in today's session...Again about my sister, and the guilt I feel for having "left" her. No matter how many times anyone tells me (or I tell myself) it wasn't within my control, I was 13 at the time, I still can't get rid of the guilt. The only people who should feel this way are my parents. They decided to get divorced and move to two different countries. Not me. I didn't ask for it, and I am sure neither did she.

I miss Dri.

And Here's The Fucking Bread Again!

I worked until late today. Came home at a quarter to 8:00. Ex had told me this weekend that, when I came home, he would get cash from me, take the purple passion (the Nissan), and fill up its tank (I can't open the little door to the gas tank. It's stuck, and he has to pry it open).

I was already wondering if he was home, ready to yell at me for being so late, and messing up his whole routine. O you know, getting his uniform ready for tomorrow, making his sandwich, and eating dinner. Yes, I do believe each task takes enormous effort, and lots of mental concentration. What a horse's ass.

Anyhoo...I see he called me at 6:50 on the cell (which, of course, I left home...He used it last night, as he's been doing for a while now, and I forgot to put it in my purse, where I always expect it to be). I call him up, he tells me that he's just pulling in the driveway.

He comes in bearing a boat-load of crap from Pathmark. I walk in the kitchen, and notice there is some unidentified item in one of the kitties' plates that looks a whole lot like vomit, and I immediately think either Sushi or Sashimi is feeling sick.

As I am examining the paper plate, and asking if it looks like regurgitated food, he's asking where the loaf of bread on top of the stove came from. Obviously, I don't care about the damned bread. I just want to know what kind of crap either one of the cats ate, and potentially threw up. He starts with the "mother fucker, I'm asking you where you got this bread", and I just thank myself for leaving his sorry ass.

It didn't end there though. He proceeded to scream when he asked if I had gotten gas, and I responded that he told me he was going to do it. Besides, I can't open the gas tank door, and he knows that! He yelled some more, cursed, told me I am irresponsible, blah blah blah, I'm going to have a miserable future when I leave this house, he's happy that he's made the decision to divorce/leave me, and so on and so on.

At this point, I decide to have a little fun. I mean, why not? I told him he didn't decide to leave me. I did. I filed for divorce first. He said, no, he's the one who decided to leave me. Really? And here's the weird conversation that ensued during the argument, which reminds me how I've lowered myself to his level far too many times! At one point, he gets confused as to who asked whom for the divorce, eheheh

Ex: By God I am so happy you get out from my life!

Me: Good.

Ex: Because I know, I understood 100 percent you have no responsibility. This is the main reason I left you.

Me: You didn’t leave me. I divorced you!

Ex: No no

Me: I’m the one leaving you!

Ex: Me, is the one who decision-don’t say like this thing.

Me: Wait…

Ex: I get rid of you, chally!

Me: How?

Ex: Do not say those things!

Me: How did you get rid of me?

Ex: Do not say that thing!

Me: How did you get rid of me?

Ex: Do not say that thing!

Me: So that means the excuse that I’m the one who caused this-is actually you caused it. Cause you’re saying that you got rid of me. That means, you asked for the divorce, not me.

Ex: Who asked then?

Me: You did.

Ex: Why you now put…upside down…thing…like, like that?

Me: Because that’s what you just said! That you left me! That means you divorced me!

Ex: No! You keep saying that you did that.

Me: Then what are you trying to say? At first, you say that you’re the one who left me. That means you divorced me. Then other ways, you say I’m the reason-I’m the one who wanted the divorce, not you.

Ex: Yeah chally…

Me: So, I’m sorry, you can’t have it both ways! Either you did it, or I did it. Right now, you told me you did it.

Ex: No, by paper you did it! But who? Who?

Me: That doesn’t make any sense.

Ex: Who did this one? Who decided this one?

Me: We both did. You signed the papers, and I signed the papers. Are you not making sense right now?

Ex: But you have no responsibility in your life!

Me: What does that have to do with anything?!

Really, I married this man? What the hell was I thinking!

Jamming All Day

EX is home. I thought he was going to go to work today, despite the holiday. I don't know, maybe he could have sorted some mail, or some other crap.

I made tomato, as well as pumpkin (home grown!)/wild fruit jams. The first one turned out delicious. Just like grandma makes! The second one, not bad, but the seeds are a bit too much. Next time, maybe I will drain/separate the seeds first.

Asswipe requested some of it. I gave him mostly the second batch. Tomato one is mine. Mine!!!!

Sunday Ooo He's Home. Joy.

I'm dreading Sundays now. I know he's going to be home, and I really don't know in what kind of pissy mood he's going to be in. Fortunately, the dickwad was calm today. Still an overbearing and nagging being, but I just have to keep remembering that this is just for a few more weeks.

Shopping Day!!!

WOW, so many sales at JC Penney's! Perfect timing too. I bought drapes for my maybe-soon-to-be-home. I tried to go for cat-proof stuff, but saw these beauties, and I just had to have them. The blue details will match the paint perfectly for the living-room.

Got a shower curtain. I went to so many different places to look for this, and could not find a decently priced and cute one at all! Finally, went back to Bed Bath & Beyond for the millionth time, and just happened to uncover a little treasure hidden away, somewhere in those tall shelves. Pays to look carefully! Original price was $39.99. It was reduced to $19.99, but I got to use a 20% coupon on top of that. Sweet!

The Ciggies Are Back

My mom called this morning. I was surprised that she did not call me right after my sister's announcement. I don't think she took it that well. I had mentioned to Adriana, that maybe she felt what I did---we are not there with her, to watch her belly expand and to experience the pregnancy in full.

Mom told me she was about to leave on vacation, then I heard her inhaling. I asked her what that was, knowing perfectly well she is back to smoking... She mentioned something about having a rough time lately, and when I asked what was going on, she said she's only smoking two cigarettes a day, and then she changed the subject.

I don't want to push it. My guess is, either therapy (newly started) is bringing into the surface a lot of burried feelings and memories, or things with Gil* have gone back to the same ol' crap (or it could be both).

* Must make clear that Gil is not the other G, which I have mentioned in a very fond way...Two different people!!!!

What's That Smell?!

Little baby (aka Sashimi), has spent the last few days eating flies that, somehow, appeared in the house. Needless to say, her little farts became more potent. Here is a picture of her, after laying two nasty bombs...What a showoff.

A Little Too Late, Monsieur LePreek

EX asks me to forgive him for ruining my life. Hmmm. Really?! So I should say yes, and all of a sudden the years I've wasted with him, are magically returned to me? Where's my Easy button?

Why do I find so hard to believe him and his worthless words? Ooo, I know! I know! He's a total selfish dickwad! A user, abuser, and liar.

Yeah, OK, Sure, I'll Stay on Hold

EX tells me that I am in a hurry to leave the house. That if I stayed four more months, he would be able to save the money he still owes me.

Yeah, ok. I'll postpone my plans AND life, so you can save... When you have tons of money overseas. Sure. No problem.

Asshole.

Feeling a Whole Lot Better

I had to call my sister again, just to make sure everything is going ok, and that I'm still an auntie. I am! We spoke for almost an hour!

I told her I would send pictures of the outfits, etc, I bought, so that she can say ay or nay to the sizes/types of outfits. Everything else is pretty much ok for quite a long time! She said for me not to worry, baby clothes are all adorable, so she's sure she will love them all.

I was feeling a little nostalgic, and a bit silly (like my old self!). I told her she must have her pc camera hooked up, so she can show me her growing belly, and I'll show her mine! Yes, I did send her a photo of my stomach, eheheheh

I heart my Sister

Crayola Factory, Here I Come! Move Over Little People, Grown Up Needs Some Glitter Glue.

Angela, Tina, Bella, and I went to the Crayola Factory today. It was my first time! I actually had fun making crafts, and am thinking I should start the "creative" projects again. I haven't dedicated any time lately, to the little things that made me happy once.

Of course, we visited the store, and I went a little bananas. I bought crayons for my new niece/nephew, coloring pencils for myself, paints for when Bella comes over to visit, and ooo yes, chalk.

We were absolutely tired! We still stopped over Tina's for coffee, and a kick-ass game of Skip-bo. Yeah!

Needless to say, I slept like a baby.

I'm Going to Become an Auntie!!! O, Water Works...

I came in to work this morning, and noticed I had missed quite a few calls from my sister. I called back, not knowing what was going on, but just thinking that it might have to do with the wiring of the money. I called back.

My sister is 6 weeks pregnant! Of course, I was beyond happy, but also still PMSing big time (plus everything else that is going on), I pretty much spent the whole day crying inconsolably. It was great news, with lots of mixed feelings. Not to take anything away from my sister, I love her so much! But just upset at the realization that I am not there with her, and I will not see her change.

Also, the thought that, as the older sister, I would have been the first to have a child. Just brings back the regret of being married to someone who made too many promises he couldn't keep.

After being unable to "control" my emotions at work for hours, I took the other half of yesterday's Xanax. I calmed down... Enough to go to Carters and get my little niece or nephew lots of clothes, plus other items, like a soft blanket, bibs (one that says "I Love my Aunt", eheeh), hooded towel, bath toys, etc. I am really excited. Still sad that I am not with her, but happy that she is happy, and soon, I can practice my new role of "titi".

Loan Moan and Groan

It's not very easy to do a refinance and a new loan at the same time. Not the paperwork, that's pretty self-explanatory. It's the waiting, and waiting, and waiting, then wondering if the EX is going to throw yet another fit about money.

I hate not knowing...and most importantly, I absolutely hate the "surprises"... I hope everything is resolved quickly, so I can finally move on with my life.

Ooo I need another magic pill!!!

There's a Bunny on The Loose!

So it's later in the day, around 7:00 PM, and I've just finished most of my work. I head home, park the car in the driveway, and through our wooden fence, I see my neigbors' kid's pet rabbit. Its cage door is wide open (it must be kept indoors only when it's cold, winter, or something).

Ahh, maybe the girl just let him out for a second and she's around. I'm looking and searching, and I do not see anyone at all. The rabbit then moved closer to my yard (there's a piece of land in between my house and theirs, and it's all manicured grass). I decided to walk over the neighbor's house, and ring their door bell. Nothing. Ok, I'm going to have to catch the little fuzz ball.

Luckily, this couple, who had noticed the rabbit as well, joined me in the "hunt". Lemme tell ya, that was not an easy task! Feisty little bugger, took us quite a while to grab him, but finally, it happened. I returned it to its home, and made sure the latch was properly closed.

I went back to the house, grabbed a little note card, and left the neighbors a message, describing the bunny's escapade.

O and Here Comes the Crying Again

Alrighty. I'm sure it has a lot to do with PMS, but I was barely functioning today. I received a surprise from his bank regarding the refinance...Now, we are being told that he has to bring in over $16,000 at closing.

Of course, I freaked out. I am trying to get a mortgage loan myself, while thinking about my future home, and the impending move. And now, another setback. He is going to flip out, obviously, on the loan processor AND me.

Ahhh fuck me. Between that and work, I was so frustrated. With that, the water works start. It got so bad, that I actually had to take 1/2 of a borrowed xanax. It's ok, I'm having my own supply being mailed to me some time this week. Marvelous.

My Cat May Have Turned Lesbiana, at Least for Today

What da friskiness?! I'm already half awake, but still in bed, Sashimi is cuddling with me under the covers. I toss and turn, as I normally do, and she positions herself between my knees.

Suddenly, I feel a paw a bit too close to my danger zone. Hello, off the bat cave, please! She remains my little cutie patootie, but I guess I may have to start sleeping with an eye open, hoping she will keep her paws to herself, ehehehehe

Just Let Go

Ex is complicating things at home. He told me that he is not letting me go from the house. He wants me with him. I told him it's too late, of course...That he just wants me here so I can pay half of all the bills and keep him company until his mommy and daddy arrive...

He denied it, but didn't sound very convincing...I think that is why he's dragging to give me the remaining money. He believes it's buying him time. I'm still leaving. I can't move on with my life until I'm out of here.

First Day of a New Chapter

Hmmm first day as a divorcée. Actually, not bad at all. Pain still here (I fear it's a kidney stone, waiting to pass...joy...).

As soon as I got to work, I ran into a conference room, with a calling card, and two phone numbers- my mom' s and my sister's. I told them the good news first, and then I was free to share with the rest of the world.

Everyone congratulated me, and I even received tons of roses (gorgeous, tall, salmon beauties) from my dear friend Maggs. Isn't she sweet, it was such a nice gesture.

Also got a "Pat on the Back" at work, for helping out with these reports. My new boss gave it to me. I'm so lucky!

My friend, Angie, invited me to dinner. We went to Hunan Taste in Denville. Very nice. O we had some fun there. We gossiped, tried new stuff, and had flambéed bananas. There was quite a bit of rum on those puppies. Eeeeeeehhhheeeeee. Pain, what pain???

Still thinking of scruffy condo. It's grown on me so much, I want it now!

Le Divorce! STEX Becomes EX

I did it! I'm finally divorced!!! Ahhh I can almost breathe freely.

I took half a day, went to the bank to deposit a check, then to the post-office to send 3 certified letters, grabbed something to eat, then headed home. Picked up my documents, and left the house as a married woman.

At 3:30, we went inside Courtroom 2 in Morristown, answered the judges questions, then waited outside for the final paperwork (we were on our way home before 4:20). Pain became more noticeable, but I didn't take a pain killer. Don't want to get hooked on anything!

Came back home as a divorcée. I don't feel bad at all. Maybe the "shock" will pop up later??? He, on the other hand, was sniffling and shit. I have no pity at this point.

Hmm scruffy condo looking better each hour!

Barely Wing-ing It

I have no fucking idea why STEX gets so upset over the stupidest things. Does he need that much attention from me?

I swear, it's a Sunday thing, because he is still picking fights. We were planning on BBQing today, so I prepared everything---seasoned chicken wings, made green pepper skewers, and a huge tomato salad, while he readied the grill. No big whoop, one would think!

He starts talking crap about something and complaining...blah blah blah...I get annoyed, decide to take a shower, in case things get bad, and I need to get out of the house. I'm in the bathroom, and he's actually demanding where the fucking chicken wings are.

I must be taking a fucking bath with them, right? Where would wings be???? My wild guess is the fridge, aka the space vacuum. At one point, since I am ignoring the monologue he is having, he kicks the door. What a moron. Did I really pick this guy?

Scruffy is invading my brain!

Anyhoo, pain is still here, and I don't think it got that much better. Not worse, at least.

O My Back...Dang It

My back (actually, left side, radiating to the front) is soooo hurting. It's been this way since Thursday, when I had my Doctor's appointment. Unfortunately, at the time I went to see her, it just felt like I had slept wrong, so I never mentioned it.

The Skanky Place

Today, I went to check out a condo. Boy, was it a rude awakening... I'm going from a nice home, where everything is pretty much new/has been renovated, to looking for places that I would have never even considered before.

Honestly, I was disappointed. I think I was not viewing it as I should have - with an open mind. I was seeing it as a step-down. A major one at that.

I went to babysit my friend's little girl, Bella. I had tons of fun with her, got to play with toys too, ehehehe. Made me feel like I was very young myself, also kept my mind from thinking about life for a second, and just enjoy it.

I went home, and I started thinking about that scruffy condo. Went to sleep picturing what it would look like with new carpeting, tile, and paint...

I Don't Think I Signed Up for This!

Ok, I DID sign up for it! My sister said she had pictures posted on this website, kind of similar to a myspace or facebook, but Portuguese. Well, in order to view the photos, I had to register, entering Cantanhede as my current city of residence. I even threw in a picture of myself, just for the hell of it. Maybe some of my friends from my early adolescence would pop up.

Sure, I went about my business, thinking nothing of it. That is...until I logged on to my hotmail account many weeks later, and found dozens of messages.

Vat?! I guess people browse profiles a lot, because I had emails from men in their early 20s to 50s! What did I sign up for? Ok, there were a couple of cuties, apparently very enthralled by my beauty, eheheh so there goes a point or two for my ego. Hmm maybe one day, I can have an elaborate statue of me made.

Another Turd Alert

I guess it's something that never goes out of style...a co-worker "missing" the toilet. Here's a message I sent out to some of the ladies at work (I do value their well-being):

TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT

Alert Level: brown

Location: first stall, ladies room

Status: uncomfirmed (sorry, even with contacts I can’t identify suspect 100%)

MO: inconspicuously positioned to the left side of porcelain goddess; proceed with caution, and avoid stall numero uno at all costs

The Terrible Twos

I’m noticing a very disturbing trend on Sundays. That seems to be THE day for fighting…STEX went off on me over something I can’t even remember right now. I actually had to laugh at him, because he was being so terribly childish. I don’t know how much longer I can stand the little fuckwit.

He’s unbearable.

Do You Smell That? I Think It's Divorce.

STEX and I were given Monday, August 4th as the date for our conference call with the court. I decided to give Nancy at the Courthouse (yes, I now know them by name) a call, and find out if she needed anything else from me.

We were talking, and I asked what happens after the case management call. She went on to explain, I asked a few more questions, and it turns out, we don't even need the call, we can go straight to court! It pays to ask.

She looked over her schedule, and was able to find me a date in August, because otherwise, it would have to wait until September. I took it! Called STEX to tell him he needs to leave work early that day.

The Deli Worry

I went to ACME to get cold cuts for my lunches at work, just cheese and turkey, nothing special. While the deli guy was slicing away, he asked me if today was the 30^th. I said “no, the 29^th”, and he kind of made some signs of relief, so I asked “why, did it [the turkey] expire?” He thought it was pretty funny, and said “that was a good one”, but no, the cuts were ok, he just had to do something after work that had to be taken care of before the 30^th.

Can’t blame a girl for worrying about her meat and dairy.

And Here Come the Water Works…

I have no idea why I’m leaking water all the time. I don’t even know how it happened, but I was talking to K at work, and all of a sudden, I was re-living my life when I was sent away to Portugal.

I can’t believe how much it still hurts me, how I felt so guilty for hurting G, how I felt rejected and abandoned by my own father…He sent me away without giving me any details or money. Just thinking about how lucky I was I had saved some money and took it with me, because he never even thought of how I would go from the airport to any one of my relatives’ houses. Or where I would be staying.

He told me to pack my crap, and get ready to leave. No date, no cat, nothing. I took a train, lugging big suitcases with all the belongings I could fit in them. I had never felt so lost. I wish I had left the bad memories behind, and only kept the good ones, but even these were hard to think about.

No Longer a “Virgin”

Wow, I should cut my hair everyday! I can’t believe all the positive feedback I’ve been receiving. Makes me feel really good! Also shipped out the shedded locks. Buh-bye now.

While my goal had been to look more “mature”, I was told I look even younger. The new do does make me slightly “brighter-eyed” than I did with the old “virgin” haircut. Feeling like a huge weight is off my shoulders. Switched to my contacts and added a bit of make-up. I feel pretty, o so pretty…

O Snap! The Long Hair is Goners

I decided to get my hair cut short a while back. Since it was so long to begin with, I waited a few more months until it reached 10 inches of "extra" hair. This way, I would be able to donate it to Locks of Love.

And today, it happened! Snip, snip!!! Two good things come out of this! One, I got a more "adult" haircut, and two, someone else will get my hair!
I wasn't apprehensive at all, even when watching the scissors cut through the pony tail. It was kind of cool to play with it after, although if I do this again, I will refrain from touching it, ehehehe. My hair is "glide-y" by nature, so even when tied with the rubber band, it started to slip away from it! Some of it fell off, so I had to re-do the tail.

It was just so nice and soft, I couldn't resist!

Happy Kitties With Loads of Protein

Both my cats are, on occasion, really clean up masters. They are, they really are.

Sashimi was hunting tiny moths, with her head stuck in one of my bedroom lamp shades. All I saw was a fuzzy body wriggling around the shade. She caught a few of the little suckers!

Sushi's eyes sparkled when he saw this big-ass insect resting on one of the closet doors. He bleeted like a little sheep, and he just seemed so intrigued! I thought he had lost the critter, until I came close to him to try to find it...And he "smiled" at me, with a little insect leg dangling from the corner of his mouth.

I'm so proud of my kids.

No ETA on Recovery Phase

Ok, so I didn't recover from my ego-blow on Wednesday...I took Thursday as a sick day, and let me tell you, I wish I hadn't. Besides being so out of it, upset, and extremely tired, I had to deal with the a-hole. Yes, he had the day off.

From about 9:30 AM until 2:00 or 3:00 PM, he did nothing but argue and scream, would not leave me alone. I recorded a portion of the fight, and actually brought it in to work on Friday for a friend or two to listen to it. I'm not exaggerating when I say that there IS something wrong with him... I know I am in a mentally and verbally abusive. I am upset though, that I allowed myself to be treated this way.

Meat!

A few ladies and I went out to lunch to celebrate a promotion. On the ride back to work, we got into a meat conversation - steaks, meat, more meat.

Of course, it quickly got pervy...someone mentioned they like meat, another said she hasn't had meat in a while, then the other said she bet she hadn't had "meat" in a while, we giggled, then, my turn...I haven't had "meat" in such a long time, I could be considered vegetarian. Vegan!

Hah, true, but very sad.

And Here is My Hero...

I had one of those horrible days at work, where my ego completely got deflated, undeservingly. I got denied a salary increase for the extra work I've been doing for the past 7 months. It isn't just the regular acceptance of additional responsibilities when another employee leaves and is not replaced...This was above and beyond, especially for the title I currently hold. Obviously, I did not take it well at all.

STEX came home, and it was pretty clear something was bothering me, so he asked, and I told him what happened. Somehow, he always ruins the opportunity to be the consoling human being. Let's see...petted my hair, which I absolutely hate. Kept doing it even when I told him to stop. Asked if I wanted water, even though I had an open bottle on the nightstand. Ok, that seems nice, right? It is, unless, as he did, unless you keep asking repeatedly, when I tell you "no" over and over again.

Wanted to borrow my cell phone because there's something wrong with his (yeah, it's called overuse and abuse), but mine was asking for the SIM (don't know why, maybe just a fluke), went on and on about me not charging my phone, blah blah blah, I said "it's mine, I charge it when I want to", a little back and forth, until he gave me the "stupid mother fucker" line, and that was it for me. Asshole.

Snail On a Mission

I was outside at work, a few days ago, with a few people. Once in a while, we see a little insect or something, and we inspect it, run from it, or thoroughly discuss it. Well, this snail was slowly moving towards the underground parking lot, but he was in a very sunny area, with only pavement in his path.

I decided to move it back to the "garden" area, where it could be in the shade, and find a lot of plants to keep its tummy full.

Then I mentioned something like: "what if he was trying to get to a meeting? He must be thinking, man, that just set me back another year!"

Eh.

Another One Bites the Dust

STEX has apparently found other people to annoy. I’m sure he encounters new victims every day, but now, he has managed to irritate the crap out of the people at the bank who are handling his refinance (not yet final, unfortunately…).

So you think, well, it’s not that bad, surely I’m exaggerating. HAH not so, my dear, not so…Let’s just say that Karen (the loan consultant), started out very hopeful. Ah yes, they all do…positive attitude, always reachable, ready to help out in any way possible.

After many days of talking to STEX, I get her on the phone, and she keeps throwing words like “demanding”, and “tunnel vision”, and that’s when I hold onto my skirt, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Of course, she’s aggravated with him…I tell him to back off, that she is no longer involved with the refinance, that it has been passed on to the loan processor (aka the sacrificial lamb), but the damage is done.

Today, he called her frantically (I’m guessing he was very rude, as usual), because he received the paperwork for the loan, and he freaked out with the amounts (plus the homeowner’s insurance had been included, and since we pay it separately, he obviously concluded that the bank was “stealing” his money and freaked out).

I’ll assume she no longer wants any involvement with him. I tried calling her at work, then on her cell (which she ALWAYS had on), but no luck. Poor thing.

So Easy, Even an Idiot CAN’T do it – Part IV

STEX reminded me to give him a new checkbook so he can pay the past due T-Mobile and HOI, as well as the new bills that came in yesterday. Also, mentioned it would be better if he had each company directly withdraw the money from the checking account, because it's too much trouble, and if I can set this up for him. So it's not so easy, is it???

He talked again about the cell phone, the late fee…Said it was only $5, $10 or something like that, not a big deal. Excuse me, vile enemy?! Can I, for a second here, recall how much yelling, and screaming I heard from his mouth, when I paid one single bill late, and we had to pay a $5 fee? Called me irresponsible, told me this is the reason he was leaving me...

Horse's ass.

So Easy, Even an Idiot CAN’T do it – Part III

I skipped my way to the mailbox, and o, what do I find? An invoice for our homeowner’s insurance. I know I’ve been asking this question a lot lately, but what?
He told me he paid the bill over a month ago!

It wasn’t due until June 28th, but apparently, he never sent in the payment! I remember it very well…We both looked at the bill, and I said it wouldn’t be fair for me to pay for ½ of it, since it’s for renewing it for 12 months. I said I would divide it into monthly payments, and again by 2, and pay my part every month.

He said I didn’t have to worry about it, because he felt sorry for me for not having any money, blah blah blah…He never paid it!

So Easy, Even an Idiot CAN’T do it – Part II

He mentioned his cell phone was not working properly, so he called T-Mobile. They never received the last check. What? I’m sure he paid the bill, maybe he forgot to mail it or the company never deposited it. Alright. It happens.

That sure serves him right for making it seem that whatever I do is not that hard.

So Easy, Even an Idiot CAN’T do it – Part I

Bill paying is not a difficult task, but it does take skill, planning, and organization to accomplish it successfully. According to my STEX, however, it’s nothing. You only need to spend what, 5-10 minutes on it? If he were to handle it, I would only have to show him once, and he would get the hang of it.

O yes? Ok, so a while back (see Going Postal June 13th), it was decided (by me) that he needed to learn how to pay bills on his own. We went to work on the bills. First time, I looked over his shoulder and guided him. He said next time he wouldn’t need my help.

Second time, he asked me to check his work, and again, mentioned he could do them all by himself. I was sooo happy for him. Scoff.

Nice Surprise

Someone paid me a really nice compliment at work! Well, besides the ones I got for my red shoes. While I was cooking up my oatmeal, one of my co-workers said she wanted to commend me on being so organized, that it's the first time she actually knows what is going on with the webcasts (I manage these puppies). Really made my day!

Remove Foot From Anal Crevice

Well, I might have been wrong about the crib thing, heheh. It appears that it is an old fashioned book shelf. I'll still investigate further, though. Just making sure...

Where the Sun Don’t Shine

I am seeeeeething. All this anger, so early in the day? Why, what has he done already? He was “playing” with the Nissan this weekend, supposedly only doing an oil change. This morning, I’m ready to go to work, and the car doesn’t start. Mother trucker.

I open the middle garage door, to get my car out, and all of a sudden, I spot a little bird’s nest up on top, on the other garage. O, how sweet! And look, there are many other nests! Over 8! Wow, how adorable.

Little babies…O, what da? What’s that over there? It’s a bed? Why is there a dismantled bed in the garage? It looks very small. Is it a twin? Oh…must be STEX getting ready for his parents to move in…Hold up.

What da fuck?! It’s a crib. Oooo my eyes are crossing, I’m seeing red, ooo I’m getting ready to speak in tongues…Breathe…breathe…heeee heeeee hoooooo heeee heee hoooooooooo…foot up his ass…heeeee heeeeee fooooot up his aaaaassssssssss