The Conspiracy

I have a confession to make…for the last decade, I have been masterminding a conspiracy to drive my soon-to-be-ex into a land of psychosis, fuzzy pink rabbits, and chocolate rainbows.

Yes, I am a highly evolved creature capable of many devious acts. And what acts, you may ask?

Why, I’m glad you asked. I have created a labyrinth which leads into a space vacuum. I cannot divulge how I’ve managed to fashion such path, but I can definitely tell you its purpose and how it functions.

What it does is, it magically makes food and other items disappear into this vacuum (while ex searches for them), and re-appear in my presence or at my telepathical command.

Ex-to-be: “I need cheese. Where’s the cheese?”
me: “it’s in the fridge”
x2b: “I don’t see it”
me: “it’s in there, where it always is”
x: “somebody took it”
me: “yes, a thief raided our fridge and escaped with a chunk of cheese. Look in the small drawer where we keep the dairy”
x: “which one?”
me: “the top one. The other two are for the veggies”
x: “O, I found it” [triumphant look]

See, it’s all about trickery and timing in this psychological thriller-type game. Making sure the object I have thrust into the vacuum, is returned just when I have him in the brink of insanity.

Genius. I know.