Sunday Ooo He's Home. Joy.

I'm dreading Sundays now. I know he's going to be home, and I really don't know in what kind of pissy mood he's going to be in. Fortunately, the dickwad was calm today. Still an overbearing and nagging being, but I just have to keep remembering that this is just for a few more weeks.

Shopping Day!!!

WOW, so many sales at JC Penney's! Perfect timing too. I bought drapes for my maybe-soon-to-be-home. I tried to go for cat-proof stuff, but saw these beauties, and I just had to have them. The blue details will match the paint perfectly for the living-room.

Got a shower curtain. I went to so many different places to look for this, and could not find a decently priced and cute one at all! Finally, went back to Bed Bath & Beyond for the millionth time, and just happened to uncover a little treasure hidden away, somewhere in those tall shelves. Pays to look carefully! Original price was $39.99. It was reduced to $19.99, but I got to use a 20% coupon on top of that. Sweet!

The Ciggies Are Back

My mom called this morning. I was surprised that she did not call me right after my sister's announcement. I don't think she took it that well. I had mentioned to Adriana, that maybe she felt what I did---we are not there with her, to watch her belly expand and to experience the pregnancy in full.

Mom told me she was about to leave on vacation, then I heard her inhaling. I asked her what that was, knowing perfectly well she is back to smoking... She mentioned something about having a rough time lately, and when I asked what was going on, she said she's only smoking two cigarettes a day, and then she changed the subject.

I don't want to push it. My guess is, either therapy (newly started) is bringing into the surface a lot of burried feelings and memories, or things with Gil* have gone back to the same ol' crap (or it could be both).

* Must make clear that Gil is not the other G, which I have mentioned in a very fond way...Two different people!!!!

What's That Smell?!

Little baby (aka Sashimi), has spent the last few days eating flies that, somehow, appeared in the house. Needless to say, her little farts became more potent. Here is a picture of her, after laying two nasty bombs...What a showoff.

A Little Too Late, Monsieur LePreek

EX asks me to forgive him for ruining my life. Hmmm. Really?! So I should say yes, and all of a sudden the years I've wasted with him, are magically returned to me? Where's my Easy button?

Why do I find so hard to believe him and his worthless words? Ooo, I know! I know! He's a total selfish dickwad! A user, abuser, and liar.

Yeah, OK, Sure, I'll Stay on Hold

EX tells me that I am in a hurry to leave the house. That if I stayed four more months, he would be able to save the money he still owes me.

Yeah, ok. I'll postpone my plans AND life, so you can save... When you have tons of money overseas. Sure. No problem.

Asshole.

Feeling a Whole Lot Better

I had to call my sister again, just to make sure everything is going ok, and that I'm still an auntie. I am! We spoke for almost an hour!

I told her I would send pictures of the outfits, etc, I bought, so that she can say ay or nay to the sizes/types of outfits. Everything else is pretty much ok for quite a long time! She said for me not to worry, baby clothes are all adorable, so she's sure she will love them all.

I was feeling a little nostalgic, and a bit silly (like my old self!). I told her she must have her pc camera hooked up, so she can show me her growing belly, and I'll show her mine! Yes, I did send her a photo of my stomach, eheheheh

I heart my Sister

Crayola Factory, Here I Come! Move Over Little People, Grown Up Needs Some Glitter Glue.

Angela, Tina, Bella, and I went to the Crayola Factory today. It was my first time! I actually had fun making crafts, and am thinking I should start the "creative" projects again. I haven't dedicated any time lately, to the little things that made me happy once.

Of course, we visited the store, and I went a little bananas. I bought crayons for my new niece/nephew, coloring pencils for myself, paints for when Bella comes over to visit, and ooo yes, chalk.

We were absolutely tired! We still stopped over Tina's for coffee, and a kick-ass game of Skip-bo. Yeah!

Needless to say, I slept like a baby.

I'm Going to Become an Auntie!!! O, Water Works...

I came in to work this morning, and noticed I had missed quite a few calls from my sister. I called back, not knowing what was going on, but just thinking that it might have to do with the wiring of the money. I called back.

My sister is 6 weeks pregnant! Of course, I was beyond happy, but also still PMSing big time (plus everything else that is going on), I pretty much spent the whole day crying inconsolably. It was great news, with lots of mixed feelings. Not to take anything away from my sister, I love her so much! But just upset at the realization that I am not there with her, and I will not see her change.

Also, the thought that, as the older sister, I would have been the first to have a child. Just brings back the regret of being married to someone who made too many promises he couldn't keep.

After being unable to "control" my emotions at work for hours, I took the other half of yesterday's Xanax. I calmed down... Enough to go to Carters and get my little niece or nephew lots of clothes, plus other items, like a soft blanket, bibs (one that says "I Love my Aunt", eheeh), hooded towel, bath toys, etc. I am really excited. Still sad that I am not with her, but happy that she is happy, and soon, I can practice my new role of "titi".

Loan Moan and Groan

It's not very easy to do a refinance and a new loan at the same time. Not the paperwork, that's pretty self-explanatory. It's the waiting, and waiting, and waiting, then wondering if the EX is going to throw yet another fit about money.

I hate not knowing...and most importantly, I absolutely hate the "surprises"... I hope everything is resolved quickly, so I can finally move on with my life.

Ooo I need another magic pill!!!

There's a Bunny on The Loose!

So it's later in the day, around 7:00 PM, and I've just finished most of my work. I head home, park the car in the driveway, and through our wooden fence, I see my neigbors' kid's pet rabbit. Its cage door is wide open (it must be kept indoors only when it's cold, winter, or something).

Ahh, maybe the girl just let him out for a second and she's around. I'm looking and searching, and I do not see anyone at all. The rabbit then moved closer to my yard (there's a piece of land in between my house and theirs, and it's all manicured grass). I decided to walk over the neighbor's house, and ring their door bell. Nothing. Ok, I'm going to have to catch the little fuzz ball.

Luckily, this couple, who had noticed the rabbit as well, joined me in the "hunt". Lemme tell ya, that was not an easy task! Feisty little bugger, took us quite a while to grab him, but finally, it happened. I returned it to its home, and made sure the latch was properly closed.

I went back to the house, grabbed a little note card, and left the neighbors a message, describing the bunny's escapade.

O and Here Comes the Crying Again

Alrighty. I'm sure it has a lot to do with PMS, but I was barely functioning today. I received a surprise from his bank regarding the refinance...Now, we are being told that he has to bring in over $16,000 at closing.

Of course, I freaked out. I am trying to get a mortgage loan myself, while thinking about my future home, and the impending move. And now, another setback. He is going to flip out, obviously, on the loan processor AND me.

Ahhh fuck me. Between that and work, I was so frustrated. With that, the water works start. It got so bad, that I actually had to take 1/2 of a borrowed xanax. It's ok, I'm having my own supply being mailed to me some time this week. Marvelous.

My Cat May Have Turned Lesbiana, at Least for Today

What da friskiness?! I'm already half awake, but still in bed, Sashimi is cuddling with me under the covers. I toss and turn, as I normally do, and she positions herself between my knees.

Suddenly, I feel a paw a bit too close to my danger zone. Hello, off the bat cave, please! She remains my little cutie patootie, but I guess I may have to start sleeping with an eye open, hoping she will keep her paws to herself, ehehehehe

Just Let Go

Ex is complicating things at home. He told me that he is not letting me go from the house. He wants me with him. I told him it's too late, of course...That he just wants me here so I can pay half of all the bills and keep him company until his mommy and daddy arrive...

He denied it, but didn't sound very convincing...I think that is why he's dragging to give me the remaining money. He believes it's buying him time. I'm still leaving. I can't move on with my life until I'm out of here.

First Day of a New Chapter

Hmmm first day as a divorcée. Actually, not bad at all. Pain still here (I fear it's a kidney stone, waiting to pass...joy...).

As soon as I got to work, I ran into a conference room, with a calling card, and two phone numbers- my mom' s and my sister's. I told them the good news first, and then I was free to share with the rest of the world.

Everyone congratulated me, and I even received tons of roses (gorgeous, tall, salmon beauties) from my dear friend Maggs. Isn't she sweet, it was such a nice gesture.

Also got a "Pat on the Back" at work, for helping out with these reports. My new boss gave it to me. I'm so lucky!

My friend, Angie, invited me to dinner. We went to Hunan Taste in Denville. Very nice. O we had some fun there. We gossiped, tried new stuff, and had flambéed bananas. There was quite a bit of rum on those puppies. Eeeeeeehhhheeeeee. Pain, what pain???

Still thinking of scruffy condo. It's grown on me so much, I want it now!

Le Divorce! STEX Becomes EX

I did it! I'm finally divorced!!! Ahhh I can almost breathe freely.

I took half a day, went to the bank to deposit a check, then to the post-office to send 3 certified letters, grabbed something to eat, then headed home. Picked up my documents, and left the house as a married woman.

At 3:30, we went inside Courtroom 2 in Morristown, answered the judges questions, then waited outside for the final paperwork (we were on our way home before 4:20). Pain became more noticeable, but I didn't take a pain killer. Don't want to get hooked on anything!

Came back home as a divorcée. I don't feel bad at all. Maybe the "shock" will pop up later??? He, on the other hand, was sniffling and shit. I have no pity at this point.

Hmm scruffy condo looking better each hour!

Barely Wing-ing It

I have no fucking idea why STEX gets so upset over the stupidest things. Does he need that much attention from me?

I swear, it's a Sunday thing, because he is still picking fights. We were planning on BBQing today, so I prepared everything---seasoned chicken wings, made green pepper skewers, and a huge tomato salad, while he readied the grill. No big whoop, one would think!

He starts talking crap about something and complaining...blah blah blah...I get annoyed, decide to take a shower, in case things get bad, and I need to get out of the house. I'm in the bathroom, and he's actually demanding where the fucking chicken wings are.

I must be taking a fucking bath with them, right? Where would wings be???? My wild guess is the fridge, aka the space vacuum. At one point, since I am ignoring the monologue he is having, he kicks the door. What a moron. Did I really pick this guy?

Scruffy is invading my brain!

Anyhoo, pain is still here, and I don't think it got that much better. Not worse, at least.

O My Back...Dang It

My back (actually, left side, radiating to the front) is soooo hurting. It's been this way since Thursday, when I had my Doctor's appointment. Unfortunately, at the time I went to see her, it just felt like I had slept wrong, so I never mentioned it.

The Skanky Place

Today, I went to check out a condo. Boy, was it a rude awakening... I'm going from a nice home, where everything is pretty much new/has been renovated, to looking for places that I would have never even considered before.

Honestly, I was disappointed. I think I was not viewing it as I should have - with an open mind. I was seeing it as a step-down. A major one at that.

I went to babysit my friend's little girl, Bella. I had tons of fun with her, got to play with toys too, ehehehe. Made me feel like I was very young myself, also kept my mind from thinking about life for a second, and just enjoy it.

I went home, and I started thinking about that scruffy condo. Went to sleep picturing what it would look like with new carpeting, tile, and paint...

I Don't Think I Signed Up for This!

Ok, I DID sign up for it! My sister said she had pictures posted on this website, kind of similar to a myspace or facebook, but Portuguese. Well, in order to view the photos, I had to register, entering Cantanhede as my current city of residence. I even threw in a picture of myself, just for the hell of it. Maybe some of my friends from my early adolescence would pop up.

Sure, I went about my business, thinking nothing of it. That is...until I logged on to my hotmail account many weeks later, and found dozens of messages.

Vat?! I guess people browse profiles a lot, because I had emails from men in their early 20s to 50s! What did I sign up for? Ok, there were a couple of cuties, apparently very enthralled by my beauty, eheheh so there goes a point or two for my ego. Hmm maybe one day, I can have an elaborate statue of me made.

Another Turd Alert

I guess it's something that never goes out of style...a co-worker "missing" the toilet. Here's a message I sent out to some of the ladies at work (I do value their well-being):

TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT

Alert Level: brown

Location: first stall, ladies room

Status: uncomfirmed (sorry, even with contacts I can’t identify suspect 100%)

MO: inconspicuously positioned to the left side of porcelain goddess; proceed with caution, and avoid stall numero uno at all costs

The Terrible Twos

I’m noticing a very disturbing trend on Sundays. That seems to be THE day for fighting…STEX went off on me over something I can’t even remember right now. I actually had to laugh at him, because he was being so terribly childish. I don’t know how much longer I can stand the little fuckwit.

He’s unbearable.

Do You Smell That? I Think It's Divorce.

STEX and I were given Monday, August 4th as the date for our conference call with the court. I decided to give Nancy at the Courthouse (yes, I now know them by name) a call, and find out if she needed anything else from me.

We were talking, and I asked what happens after the case management call. She went on to explain, I asked a few more questions, and it turns out, we don't even need the call, we can go straight to court! It pays to ask.

She looked over her schedule, and was able to find me a date in August, because otherwise, it would have to wait until September. I took it! Called STEX to tell him he needs to leave work early that day.