I came in to work this morning, and noticed I had missed quite a few calls from my sister. I called back, not knowing what was going on, but just thinking that it might have to do with the wiring of the money. I called back.
My sister is 6 weeks pregnant! Of course, I was beyond happy, but also still PMSing big time (plus everything else that is going on), I pretty much spent the whole day crying inconsolably. It was great news, with lots of mixed feelings. Not to take anything away from my sister, I love her so much! But just upset at the realization that I am not there with her, and I will not see her change.
Also, the thought that, as the older sister, I would have been the first to have a child. Just brings back the regret of being married to someone who made too many promises he couldn't keep.
After being unable to "control" my emotions at work for hours, I took the other half of yesterday's Xanax. I calmed down... Enough to go to Carters and get my little niece or nephew lots of clothes, plus other items, like a soft blanket, bibs (one that says "I Love my Aunt", eheeh), hooded towel, bath toys, etc. I am really excited. Still sad that I am not with her, but happy that she is happy, and soon, I can practice my new role of "titi".
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