Oops, He Did it Again

It will be interesting to see how well ex will do on his own. Mostly, because he tells me all the time how worried he is of me being on my own, when I "can't do anything".

This morning, I gave him some news... I checked the joint account balance (he's had "control" over it for a while now), and it showed an overdraft! He cannot manage bills. It's nothing new.

He flipped out, as normal. Accused me and/or the bank of screwing something up...Really?! It wouldn't cross his mind to think that perhaps, just maybe, he is careless (o, does the word "irresponsible" come to mind? Ahhh yes, that's the same one he's used on me for years, when it was clearly not true).

We just went over the deposits and withdrawals. Of course, everything was very clear. Including the fact that he's a jackass, who apparently, can't count.

Getting There

We received the right documents for Ex's refinance yesterday. Finally! After many tears and blood (from papercuts, that is), it looks like we're getting there.

I had him sign/initial all the paperwork, which he took with him today, for the notarizing portions. He returned the documents to me, I made copies, and sent it along to the lender. I feel as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I know this was his responsibility, but if I wanted it done, I had to do it myself, because he tends to be uhhh lost...

My name will be removed from the loan, so they say, on October 1st. My closing date has moved to October 3rd. Hope all goes well! Otherwise, I am predicting a little fit of my own, and I will be kicking his ass.

He's What?!

What da bleep?! When did this happen? Have I been living under a rock???? Jonathan Knight of NKOTB is gay?! I always thought Jordan was, but not his brother...

There go all my dreams of being Mrs. Knight. Especially now, that I'm finally single and ready to mingle...I thought we would have our real chance at love. Alas, the deluded, daydreamer/fiancee pretender is always the last one to know.

Sad, so sad...

I Squealed Like a Little Girl

My friends and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert, at the Izod. O my... I didn't think I would be this excited! I did scream a little bit, too, eheheh, but hey, no one would have noticed given the megabillion girls doing the same.

It was good! I still have to figure out who was the guy who opened up before Natasha Bedingfield (who was fantastic, by the way). I've heard his songs on Z100, but don't know his name!

Talk about entertainment and High School memories! All five Kids sounded wonderful, very energetic, and totally delicious. Speaking of which, I had a craving for beer, seeing it everywhere, so I got it!

Also worth mentioning, the couple of trashed gals who made this an even better night. One dressed in those kinds of pants that say things like "juicy" on the butt, was "housing" the plexiglass that prevents people from falling over the railings. Apparently, she was doing this little show for someone in another level, because she was holding a cell phone and pointing at herself.

Another woman, was doing some provocative dancing with her scarf, lifting her leg up and down, while barely keeping stable in high heels. Ahhh, now that was classy. So much so in fact that the person who showed us to our seats, asked her to stop. Perhaps she thought he was gay, or maybe that he was too distracted by her sexiness, and needed her to halt.

Feeling the Pressure

I've been slightly absent from my blog here... Just now catching up...instead of writing the entries separately for each day, aujour d'hui, I will condense the happenings, but this time only!

Things have not been going as well as I would have hoped, with the mortgage, his refinance, me leaving the house...Where do I begin?

Mortgage:
I was supposed to have a commitment letter from my lender on the 15th. Turns out no one had asked for this, and the deadline passed, so I called the bank, and asked for one. Took a while to get it, and when I received it, it didn't look like a normal CL...I don't think it was...Anyhoo, the loan processor included verbiage on the pending appraisal review by the underwriter. Sounds very ominous, that word. I am the UNDERWRITER, I take my victims into the depths of financial confusion, whilst sucking the life out of you, and adding some rouge to your cheeks. Bow down to the underwriter, oooo...scary.

Leaving the House:
Just when you thought you were in the clear...Seller has found a place of his own, and his closing date is October 15th. He's asking to move our closing date, to accomodate his own. Ahhh perfect, just nifty. I am going to get stuck living with ex for an additional 2 weeks. Lovely.

Ex's Refinance:
The closing date is today. Supposedly...His bank has made so many mistakes, I really don't know if they were really listening when we said we were refinancing to REMOVE me from the loans...My name kept popping up all over the place, and I said I refused to sign anything...And I have. Don't know what their game is, but this is going to put a huge damper on my own plans, if it doesn't get done correctly.

Hmmm Lost in Jam

Ok, is this an addiction? Making jams???? I hope not, but the intense urge to boil fruit down, add some sugar and/or other flavorings, is making me extremely excited. To the point, that I am dreaming about which fruits I can combine for the next batch. Ahhh, fruity fruits, yes...tomatoes, blackberries, raspberries, pumpkin!

I think I'm getting hot here. Ooo apples, I think I'll do apples and cinnamon next!!!! I just don't know who the hell is going to eat all this stuff! I wish I had married someone who would love to be my guinea pig...

Saturday Fight Live

The argument started a day early! I was expecting the yelling on Sunday, o, I don't know, over bread or chicken maybe??? Nope. It started with checking the joint account for the balance. Somehow, it moved to him telling me I had to pay for ½ of the electrical, cable, phone, etc bills next month.

Of course, he did not understand the concept of my advanced deposits, and demanded that I pay. I asked why should I, since we have enough money in the account to cover for October’s bills (hence the "advanced" deposits, which I started when I first opened the account…).

As usual, he started with the mother bleeper this, mother bleeper that, and I went for the first xanax. By the time I had reached for the second pill, he had already said he wasn’t going to continue to have my cell phone under his plan (he gets a discount from his union), and guess what, he is not going to pay me the $9500 he owes me (of which, he was already planning to subtract $1000 for my car’s repair, $600-$800 for the gas he's put in it for this year, etc…). Mentioned also, that he was going to "charge" me for the gas he’s put in the car in the last 7 years. O dear…what a silly man I married…

It moved to him saying that the extra $4,000 he had "offered" me, was for everything in the house, and that I wasn't supposed to take anything with me. Uhhhh, really??? It was actually for ME to buy furniture, to replace the one I wasn't taking…

I brought out the agreement that was entered into the divorce decree, which specified I could take ANYTHING I wanted with me, excluding appliances, living room, dining room, bedroom sets (minus the tempur pedic in the master bedroom). He, then, proceeded to tell me he was going to get a marshal to my new place, get all of the items he claims are his, and have me arrested. Seriously?! I did marry him while I was conscious?

The xanax didn’t seem to suffice. I think nothing would help when dealing with him. I no longer know whether to cry out of frustration for the stupid mistake I made of marrying him (and staying with him!) in the first place, or laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Ok, today, I pick the latter.

Where's Waldo? Give Mommy a Big Kiss! Ahh How Fast They Grow...

Awww'righty. Black kitty is back! It hid under the bridge in the backyard. I took a picture, and all you can see is one eye peeking back at you, ehehehe. Yep, he's completely black.

I gave him food his morning, and am waiting to see if he returns tonight. I've left a plate of dry food, just in case...

Speaking of the kitty and my incessant thoughts of adopting another pet...I stumbled upon an article on pet hoarding, and it mentioned compulsive caregiving:

"It is quite common for animal hoarders to report very dysfunctional childhoods, characterized by inconsistent and unstable parenting if not outright abuse, during which animals were the only stable fixtures.
A dysfunctional childhood is correlated with a disordered attachment style. This can result in a controlling pattern of relationships, such as compulsive caregiving, as an adult. In this behavior pattern, a person selects someone with a sad or difficult life, and provides care obsessively, irrespective of whether the care is wanted or needed. "

I think that explains, at least partly, why I cannot stop wanting another being to take care of. Whether a skunk or another cat...I spoke to K at work about it, and she said one would not do it. It would never be enough. And she's very right. I don't want to become a crazy cat lady...Yet, I have no idea how to handle this.

It may also touch upon another reason why I chose EX. He was very naive in many ways, and I probably thought I could mold him into the perfect husband and father. I guess he was much more of a challenge than I calculated. Then again, he wasn't this insane before!

Ghhaaaaahhhhh Black Boogers!

Spray-painting day! Refinishing a dresser, and a bistro set. Holy crap. There's fucking paint all over the place! Yiiippppiiieeee O the fumes, the fumes! Even the bees are flying all retarded. Poor babies.

I think I inhaled way too many chemicals. I cleaned my nose, and the tissue was black. I'm feeling woooooosie!!!

Moving My Crap

Ok, really shouldn't say crap. It's good stuff, things that I love and/or use frequently. I moved a whole bunch of boxes, etc from the master bedroom to the other bedroom on the first floor.

Ahhh yes, that would have been my baby's room...The other two upstairs would have been a reading room, and a playroom. So perfect for that too...But I digress.

Anyhoo. I am really excited about moving to the new place. I am finally going to have it the way I want it, without having to hear him yap about how much money I spent, where I bought it, and so on...

I'm Having an Affair...

...so ex thinks! I went out to dinner and watch The House Bunny with a friend from work. A girl, by the way. I called him up, just to be courteous, to let him know that I wouldn't be coming home until late. Also asked him to record Big Brother, but that's another subject, ehehehe

He mumbled something about knowing what I'm doing, but "anyway"...What? Ok, he can think whatever he wants. I'm just going to enjoy my evening, it's not like I have to answer to him anyway. Ass.

Leaking Again

I got a little bit emotional in today's session...Again about my sister, and the guilt I feel for having "left" her. No matter how many times anyone tells me (or I tell myself) it wasn't within my control, I was 13 at the time, I still can't get rid of the guilt. The only people who should feel this way are my parents. They decided to get divorced and move to two different countries. Not me. I didn't ask for it, and I am sure neither did she.

I miss Dri.

And Here's The Fucking Bread Again!

I worked until late today. Came home at a quarter to 8:00. Ex had told me this weekend that, when I came home, he would get cash from me, take the purple passion (the Nissan), and fill up its tank (I can't open the little door to the gas tank. It's stuck, and he has to pry it open).

I was already wondering if he was home, ready to yell at me for being so late, and messing up his whole routine. O you know, getting his uniform ready for tomorrow, making his sandwich, and eating dinner. Yes, I do believe each task takes enormous effort, and lots of mental concentration. What a horse's ass.

Anyhoo...I see he called me at 6:50 on the cell (which, of course, I left home...He used it last night, as he's been doing for a while now, and I forgot to put it in my purse, where I always expect it to be). I call him up, he tells me that he's just pulling in the driveway.

He comes in bearing a boat-load of crap from Pathmark. I walk in the kitchen, and notice there is some unidentified item in one of the kitties' plates that looks a whole lot like vomit, and I immediately think either Sushi or Sashimi is feeling sick.

As I am examining the paper plate, and asking if it looks like regurgitated food, he's asking where the loaf of bread on top of the stove came from. Obviously, I don't care about the damned bread. I just want to know what kind of crap either one of the cats ate, and potentially threw up. He starts with the "mother fucker, I'm asking you where you got this bread", and I just thank myself for leaving his sorry ass.

It didn't end there though. He proceeded to scream when he asked if I had gotten gas, and I responded that he told me he was going to do it. Besides, I can't open the gas tank door, and he knows that! He yelled some more, cursed, told me I am irresponsible, blah blah blah, I'm going to have a miserable future when I leave this house, he's happy that he's made the decision to divorce/leave me, and so on and so on.

At this point, I decide to have a little fun. I mean, why not? I told him he didn't decide to leave me. I did. I filed for divorce first. He said, no, he's the one who decided to leave me. Really? And here's the weird conversation that ensued during the argument, which reminds me how I've lowered myself to his level far too many times! At one point, he gets confused as to who asked whom for the divorce, eheheh

Ex: By God I am so happy you get out from my life!

Me: Good.

Ex: Because I know, I understood 100 percent you have no responsibility. This is the main reason I left you.

Me: You didn’t leave me. I divorced you!

Ex: No no

Me: I’m the one leaving you!

Ex: Me, is the one who decision-don’t say like this thing.

Me: Wait…

Ex: I get rid of you, chally!

Me: How?

Ex: Do not say those things!

Me: How did you get rid of me?

Ex: Do not say that thing!

Me: How did you get rid of me?

Ex: Do not say that thing!

Me: So that means the excuse that I’m the one who caused this-is actually you caused it. Cause you’re saying that you got rid of me. That means, you asked for the divorce, not me.

Ex: Who asked then?

Me: You did.

Ex: Why you now put…upside down…thing…like, like that?

Me: Because that’s what you just said! That you left me! That means you divorced me!

Ex: No! You keep saying that you did that.

Me: Then what are you trying to say? At first, you say that you’re the one who left me. That means you divorced me. Then other ways, you say I’m the reason-I’m the one who wanted the divorce, not you.

Ex: Yeah chally…

Me: So, I’m sorry, you can’t have it both ways! Either you did it, or I did it. Right now, you told me you did it.

Ex: No, by paper you did it! But who? Who?

Me: That doesn’t make any sense.

Ex: Who did this one? Who decided this one?

Me: We both did. You signed the papers, and I signed the papers. Are you not making sense right now?

Ex: But you have no responsibility in your life!

Me: What does that have to do with anything?!

Really, I married this man? What the hell was I thinking!

Jamming All Day

EX is home. I thought he was going to go to work today, despite the holiday. I don't know, maybe he could have sorted some mail, or some other crap.

I made tomato, as well as pumpkin (home grown!)/wild fruit jams. The first one turned out delicious. Just like grandma makes! The second one, not bad, but the seeds are a bit too much. Next time, maybe I will drain/separate the seeds first.

Asswipe requested some of it. I gave him mostly the second batch. Tomato one is mine. Mine!!!!