Celebration of Life

Today, my friends at work and I went to a Celebration of Life event, in memory of our friend, Barbara, who recently passed away. I can't imagine the act of someone no longer being physically "here". It really feels like she went on vacation, but just hasn't returned.

"Death" just seems such a far-fetched concept. You ARE no longer. It brings about the same incomprehension as trying to come to terms with the fact that the universe is infinite. How is it possible? The more you think about it, the harder it feels like you have a grip on the reality of existence.

How are you gone? I understand it, in terms of a life cycle, and believe you live on in other people's experiences and memories, but you can't return? It's just so final. I don't think I can accept it.

Aside from sobbing like a ninny throughout the church ceremony (concentrate, concentrate...o here's the snot...try not to sniffle...how many lights are there in the huge star hanging by the altar...sniff...sniff...), all I kept thinking was "she never colored her hair blonde". I remember, the first time she went through the treatments and her hair was growing back, that she would go wild and color it. She never did.

I never knew Barbara's life as told by the photos that were posted of her in the church, or by the stories her friends and family shared. I also didn't realize she was just as fond of cinnabons as I am.