Eh, Little Meltdown Today

Once in a while, I am overcome by emotions that lead me to cry like a little baby, whose pacifier was just removed. And that was my day. I have already been feeling so uneasy with my dental appointment today...Not only that I am going to have two crowns put in, something I've never done before and quite dreading having two fake things in my mouth, but the horrendous monetary setback...Insurance will cover maybe 25% of the cost, and I get to absorb the rest. It's good to be me.

I don't even know how it started, but remember getting annoyed by a sales rep, who has a reputation for being condescending, thinking information that was sent to me in error was beneficial to the person I forwarded it to, being late (the day before) to a meeting in which everyone knew exactly what was going on except me, and then the best part...thinking that I was in over my head with the search engine optimization part of my work.

The way I described it to a friend, is being at a party, listening to a joke, and you're the only one who doesn't get the punch line. You still laugh, because you don't want people to think you are slightly "we todd did", but deep down, you do feel that way.

You're not smart enough. I know I am. I don't think I've ever doubted it, but it's more than that. Not being good enough. My, it brings back memories...Like the first year with my father in the US, him looking at my report card, and asking what happened with gym? My only C. I won't even go with abandonment issues that "support" my notion of not being good enough, that would be an entire site full of crap.

By late morning, I was a mess waiting to happen. The lips started quivering, I knew what was happening next, so proceeded to make my way to the ladies' room. On the way, my boss stopped me to ask if I was ok, I said I would be, but I think the puffy eyes discredited my statement. I was kind of embarrassed, because I don't like crying in front of people, especially at work, but at the same time, it made me talk about what was wrong. I mean, she didn't know that I felt lost, how could she? I didn't say anything before. Good things are coming out of it though. For one, I'm getting lessons on the topic, and I vowed to re-dedicate myself to my job.